Confessions of a Horny Old Guy

Okay This REALLY Is My Last Post!

2010-06-27T22:49:00.000-07:00

Yup it's all true folks! Click on the above image to enlarge text and read all about it!

Hmmm...there are some people in Stockton who are not too sad to see the Horny Old Guy depart their fair city! Oh well...you can't please them all!

Yeah I know I said I was through with blogging three years ago and looking at the lame ass posts I've made since I probably should have been through. This time I really mean it though! Yours truly the Horny Old Guy is now a happily married man and in just a very few short days will be living with his lovely new bride Diane in the great state of Colorado! As a faithful married man there is absolutely no way that I can continue to babble on about lusting after every babe I see and spending most of my free time fantasizing about those babes and jacking off to them. Diane of course doesn't know about my cyberspace Horny Old Guy persona and knowing her as I now do I can guarantee you that she would NOT be amused if she stumbled on this X rated blog! I also feel extremely guilty about blogging about her and us and our sex life behind her back now that we are married so it's time for the Horny Old Guy to zip up his fly and disappear into cyberspace as he makes the big move to being a good husband in a brand new state. Since so few people wander into this semi-dead blog nowadays it's probably just as well that I take a hike!

Saturday May 29, 2010 was "a day that will live in infamy!" That was the day that I got married to my sweetie Diane in a funky wedding chapel in downtown Reno, Nevada. About the only good thing that I can say about the wedding ceremony was that it was quickly over and with few witnesses to the deed! Thank God Diane didn't want a church wedding back in Colorado as I initially feared she might! My second marriage was in a church and I absolutely hated every minute of it! Hell I don't even like to go to other people's weddings, let alone participate in one of my own! Diane favored marriage over living together though and so did her straight laced family back home. There are some financial benefits for both of us to us being married too....soooo after giving the matter some very serious consideration I popped the question on Easter weekend and Diane immediately accepted.

There was lots of apprehension and nervousness and yeah even some second thoughts after the proposal and right up to the wedding day though! I'm about to turn 70 years of age (HELP!) very soon and haven't been a husband since my 30's. Both of my two marriages ended in divorce and even though I've had numerous short and long term relationships since that second divorce all of those relationships would also be doomed to fail! I was not at all sure that I was good marriage material and did (and still do!) truly value my independent lifestyle. The Reno wedding chapel with slot machines in the parlor didn't exactly ease my nervous mind and when I saw that the hired gun minister was sort of tipsy I felt like heading for the Greyhound bus depot and catching the first bus to anywhere! Somehow I made it through the ceremony though. Diane and I as well as our witness, Diane's best friend Sandra, all had trouble keeping straight faces because in addition to being tipsy this "man of the cloth" spoke sort of funny! It was only after we left the chapel and headed back to our hotel/casino that I started feeling very comfortable and happy about being married and I've felt that way ever since.

Diane and I did what people always have done on their wedding night,,,fucked our brains out! All that wine and champagne we drank earlier in the evening gave both of us quite a buzz and the sex was better than ever! I got a little bit of an extra rush knowing that Sandra was in the adjoining room. Sandra is a babe and yeah some fantasies of a threesome were creeping into my dirty mind even on our wedding night! Diane who gets very vocal during orgasms no doubt wished that Sandra would have been on a different floor or in a different hotel. The amused look on Sandra's face the next morning (actually the next afternoon!) made me think that she had got an earful during the night! I certainly hope so!

After the wedding we came back to our respective homes for a couple of days and then drove to San Francisco where we spent the night. The following morning we flew to Honolulu for a brief five day honeymoon! We had a great time in Hawaii, spent much more time in the sack than in the sun but fucking is what honeymoons are for aren't they? Then it was back to our own homes again to start preparing and packing for our move to Colorado at the end of this month. Diane is from Colorado, has her entire family there and had planned to move back there with or without me after this school year (she's an elementary school teacher). As a native Californian with lots of friends here the prospect of moving to another state was as potentially traumatic as getting married but I've warmed to the idea and am now actually looking forward to getting out of this rather lackluster city called Stockton. Our local cops in an effort to get a better contract and higher pay have recently posted signs around town saying "Welcome to Stockton, the Second Most Dangerous City in California!" With California (also known as Northern Mexico) in general going steadily down the toilet I came to the conclusion that it's about time for the Horny Old Guy to get out of state as well as out of town. Will Colorado ultimately be as crazy? I don't know but I'm about to find out!

So it's off to Colorado and a new life with a new wife...and I'm truly becoming increasingly excited and optimistic about that whole scenario! Wednesday June 30 is our official moving day. Diane has better furniture so we are taking most of that which along with her other belongings will be moved by a professional mover. I'm loading all of my "stuff" in a U-Haul a trailer which I will tow to our new home. Diane will be driving her own car, following me and the trailer. It looks like a two day road trip starting out on the morning of June 30. We hope to be in our new apartment in Colorado Springs by the evening of July 1. The apartment will just be our temporary home. We want to start looking for a house to buy immediately and hopefully moved in before Diane (hopefully again) starts her new teaching job in September. It's going to be one busy summer for both of us!

Since our marriage four weeks ago we've spent about half of the time in our own homes packing and preparing to move so I really haven't become accustomed to what will be the new norm for the Horny Old Guy...having a live in companion 24/7! There of course will be some big changes in my lifestyle ahead! More specifically there will be less being the Horny Old Guy, less time for ogling the babes on and off line, and sadly less time and privacy for fantasizing about those babes and jacking off to those fantasies. Damn the bad luck! Once the school year starts though I will have more of my much needed time alone, at least during the daytime hours when Diane is at work teaching. Both me and my ancient but still functioning senior citizen dong are already looking forward to that!

Am I going to be giving up jacking off altogether? You've got to be fucking kidding! I'd no more give up beating my meat than I would give up breathing or eating! Jacking off has been a passion of mine since I first discovered it even before puberty. There is no way that I could ever stop jacking off! Diane knows this and accepts it I think. As much as I enjoy eating pussy, getting my cock sucked and fucking (and there obviously will be MUCH more of those fun things from now on!) I still need privacy and time to practice and enjoy my favorite "hobby" if you know what I mean and I think you do! I suppose I'll have to be a little more discreet...no more sitting here naked at the computer surfing porn and jerking off to "big_titted_italian_babes_who_take_it_up_the_ass.com "...at least when Diane is in the same room! As long as there are locks on the bathroom door I think I'll find private time to sit on the crapper and spank the old (and I do mean OLD!) monkey though! Jerking off in the shower just as Kevin Spacey did in the movie "American Pie" is another possibility! The bathroom worked pretty well as a private place of masturbatory pleasure when I was a horny teenager and I'm quite sure that it will still serve that purpose just fine!

By the way Diane has already told me that she also has no intention of throwing out her Hitachi Magic Wand or that other vibe gizmo she bought after hearing about it on Oprah (she still prefers the Hitachi!). We've talked about masturbation quite a bit and Diane has an extremely healthy and positive view of it. Just as it has been for me, it has been a good friend of hers during solitary times in her life. There definitely will be less masturbation for each of us but it will remain an important part of both of our lives! As far as my ogling and fantasizing about the other babes...well what Diane doesn't know about won't hurt her! Hey I don't care if she fantasizes about Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp or Regis Philbin or anybody else either when I'm slipping the big salami to her or at any other time. I just don't want to hear about it! My own sexual fantasies combined with masturbation will remain private but they will definitely continue!

So that's about it for the Horny Old Guy in the wonderful world of blogging! I'm about to assume a new persona as a senior citizen married horndog in Colorado! Goodbye to my native California and of all my friends here, goodbye to Blogger and goodbye to all of my loyal readers (both of you) who over the last 5 years have put up with my incoherent babbling. If I've given you a chuckle or two I'm happy. If I've offended you in any way including with my poor writing skills, I'm sincerely sorry...but thanks to all so much for reading this crap! Horny Old Married Guy is now hitting the trail for Colorado where he and his sweetie Diane will hopefully live happily ever after! Best wishes for the same to all of you!

P.S. I'm going to leave this blog up indefinitely. Feel free to leave comments on this post or e mail me anytime. I'll always try to give you a timely response. Thanks again for reading and goodbye for now! Horny Old Guy has left the building...and the state...and the cyberspace!

Believe It Or Not I'm Getting Hitched!!!

2010-05-01T07:45:00.000-07:00

Is anybody still out there? I truly doubt it since this lame ass blog has been virtually dead for the last three years! For those former regulars who wondered what ever happened to that masturbating old fool Mike Stewart (also known as the Horny Old Guy) and for anyone else who stumbles in here in the future I wanted to update the status of my social life with some major news. Yes it's true! The infamous Horny Old Guy is getting married! On Easter Weekend, a year after Diane and I first fucked I asked her to marry me and she accepted. I'm now a in a state of being both thrilled and scared shitless! Diane is of course the lovely school teacher I've written about in the last couple of posts. I'll also be moving to Colorado, Diane's home state, with her! All of this good stuff will be happening in the next two months. By July 1 I will be living in Colorado with a new wife! As a native Californian and a long time horny old single guy I can only say...."HELP!". Oh I'm just kidding! Diane is a great gal, I truly do love her and at my age (70 in a few months..."HELP!" again!) I ain't gonna' get many more if any chances like this! I'm a happy and excited fucker (in every sense of that last word!) right now!

I'll be writing one more post before I move to Colorado, absolutely my final post in this blog since I definitely do feel guilty about blogging (and now tweeting!) about my sweetie as well as my lustful masturbatory fantasies about every other babe I see on the street or TV or movie screen or anywhere else! It's time for Horny Old Guy to zip it up and disappear into cyberspace for good! Watch for that final post after our marriage, probably sometime in early June. Meanwhile you can follow me on TWITTER if you care to see what kind of nasty stuff I'm up to up until then.

Since it's May which is National Masturbation Month and obviously my favorite celebratory month of the year I'm slightly revising an older post on that subject and reprinting it below. I haven't got the time or inclination to come up with anything new right now. By the way just because I'm getting married it doesn't mean that I'm losing my passion for masturbation! There will be less jacking off in my future but there is no way that I can EVER stop practicing my favorite solitary activity in this month or any other month! Diane is by now well aware of that passion (actually shares it herself in fact!) and I don't expect her to be criticizing my "hobby" as long as it doesn't interfere with any of our "interactive" activities if you know what I mean and I think you do!

On May 1 of every year in my long ago horny youth us boys in the school yard just loved to shout out to our guy friends (sometimes within earshot of the girls):
"Hooray! Hooray! It's the first of May,
Outdoor fucking starts today!"
The only sad part about that crude but jubilant proclamation was that most of us had no chance in hell of getting laid, indoors or outdoors, in the month of May or in any other fucking month of the year! This was back in the puritanical 1950's you understand! The only sex must of us lads got was from our right hand! Now the month of May takes on even more significance for us amateur and professional masturbators and masturbation advocates of all ages and both sexes because May is of course National Masturbation Month! Let the celebration begin!

Probably the high point of my entire youth was THAT NIGHT when I discovered the wonderful sport of jacking off. An older classmate had given me an outdoor demonstration earlier in the day. I was too nervous to even get my little weenie stiff in order to do it with him as he had wanted me to but I had no such problems in the privacy of my own bedroom. I was about 12, still pre-puberty so there was no ejaculation but that dry climax sure did feel good! The whole experience was a revelation in fact! I had heard the term "jack off" for several years, knew it was something nasty but until that day and that night had no idea what exactly it meant or how to do it. Everything sort of came together that night. Now I knew why everybody wanted to do that even nastier "fucking" thing and of course I couldn't wait to try that too!

After that wonderful night jacking off became a daily ritual for me. Sometimes I did it several times a day. Talk about a kid with a new toy! I couldn't keep my hands off my pecker! (Some say I STILL can't! LOL) An older woman, a customer on my paper route, introduced me to the wonderful world of fucking shortly after I went through puberty but then there was a long "dry spell" before I got lucky with my first girlfriend Vicki as a junior in high school. All that jacking off really got me through those difficult, horny teen and high school years! I didn't need no booze and no dope as long as I had my dick and my right hand. Masturbation is a great stress reliever at any age! Hey it still works for me at almost 70 years of age!

Although it sometimes seems like only yesterday, that night of sexual discovery was fifty seven years ago and I've been jacking off ever since. Even when I was married or in other serious long term relationships I never completely stopped masturbating. Why should I? It's truly one of the joys in life and I feel sorry for people who do not comprehend that. Even if they choose not to do it for religious or other reasons I would hope everyone would at least accept the fact that masturbation is a completely normal and healthy activity for males and females of all ages. There are absolutely no side effects. There are substantial short and long term mental and physical benefits with no side effects. You can do it almost anytime and anywhere! You don't need a partner! There is no danger of pregnancy or catching STD's!! And it's FREE! Hey what's not to like? As the great Woody Allen said to Diane Keaton in "Annie Hall", "Don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love!" Truer words were never spoken! Yeah I still jack off and I ain't ashamed to admit it! Just don't tell any of my close friends, my family or anybody I've ever met in my off line world okay?

So I woke up this morning, looked at the calendar beside my bed and said "Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus! National Masturbation Month is here again!" I already had some "morning wood" (at my age always a GOOD thing!) and with nasty fantasies about my hot new realtor Tracy (who has replaced Sarah Palin as my current #1 jackoff fantasy!) in my ancient mind I started the month and the day by "rubbing one out"..."spanking the monkey"..."wanking"..."jerking off"..."JACKING OFF!" (still my favorite slang term for the male version of this activity!) You know something? Jacking myself off felt just as good as it did that first night I tried it more than a half century ago...well almost as good anyway!

All of you nice guys and gals are welcome to join Horny Old Guy in the festivities during National Masturbation Month! Oh Hell...why limit it to just one month? May it always be May in your pants! More I cannot wish you my friends! LOL

P.S. Feel free to click on and print any of my home made posters above. Post them in your place of work. They will last at least until the boss or some blue nose censor spots them. They may give your co-workers a few chuckles, maybe even a little inspiration to start their day in a pleasant way! You can also save the images as .jpg files and e mail them as attachments to your family and friends. (I can hear you saying "Yeah right!" right now!) Hey us dedicated masturbators of both sexes need to get the word out about this month long celebration of our favorite solo activity! Y'all join in the festivities, ya' hear? Bye now!

Oh yeah here's a little video I made for YouTube about the wonderful month of May:

Christmas 2009...Life is Good!

2009-12-20T23:00:00.000-08:00

Jesus Christ! I don't believe it! There is somebody out there even more horny than me...and it's Tiger Fucking Woods!!! Who would have thunk? You da' man Tiger! Actually you're an ASSHOLE! You didn't even use condoms when you fucked some of those sluts! Adultery is bad enough but to not practice safe sex in this day and age, especially for a married man, is absolutely unforgivable! If you really needed something on the side you should have just stayed home and jacked off like me! Yeah I know...that old saying that "a stiff prick has no conscience"! Truer words were never spoken but you're still an ASSHOLE Tiger, in fact you are ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR for 2009! I hope your fucking career is over! (End of Rant!)

A year ago in my Christmas 2008 post (since deleted)I was crying in my beer over my bad case of lack-a-nookie (not getting laid!) and pondering whether I was ever to have the pleasure of eating pussy, having a nice juicy blow job performed on my ancient senior citizen dick or playing "Hide the Salami" with a willing babe again. I was starting to envision myself finishing up my time on earth still jacking off in a nursing home. At age 68 (69 now) thoughts like that do occur to you from time to time although in fact I've been well aware of my own mortality since I was about six years old. Back then the end of the road seemed so far away though! Now even though I'm in extremely good health...well who knows when I'll "blast off" for the last time?

What a difference a year makes though! In January I met a lovely 52 (53 now) year old blond woman named Diane in a Southwest Airlines boarding gate lounge in Denver. You can read about that in the post right below this one. It took until Easter weekend to "get back in the saddle", that is have sex with Diane but since then things just keep getting better and better, sexually and every other way! I'm in love and in lust and I couldn't be happier! Life is good for the Horny Old Guy! Not that I wasn't fairly content when it was just me and my dick and my fantasies you understand but being in a wonderful relationship is just soooo much more rewarding and with such great fringe benefits, getting my weenie sucked regularly being only one of them!

Diane is in Colorado visiting her family and friends for the Christmas and New Year's holidays just as she did last year right before we met. She seems to be getting real serious about moving back to Colorado for good after this school year. She misses her family (parents, daughter, granddaughter) very much and would like to finish up her teaching career (working 6 or 7 more years I believe) where she started it, in her home town of Colorado Springs or somewhere close by. She came out to California when her ex hubby got transferred out here and although she loves California she loves Colorado even more. I can understand that but that could cause some big problems for our relationship, maybe even bring an end to it. Not that I'm absolutely tied down here you understand. I'm retired of course and with my only sister living in Denver and my seldom seen daughter in Oregon a move isn't out of the question for me...and yet I've lived in California all of my life, have lots of friends here and enjoy the climate and all things there are to do here. Cold winters are not my idea of fun either!

I wouldn't mind getting out of Stockton at all though. It's a rather unappealing city (okay it's a dump!) which I have never been overly fond of. I've hinted to Diane that we should buy a house in the foothills of the Sierras, eighty miles from Stockton where she now lives and teaches. I love that area and could easily spend the rest of my life there, especially with Diane at my side. However she's really got Colorado on her mind now and I don't think I can change her mind about moving back. The clock is ticking and we're both going to have to make some big time decisions about the future of our relationship in the next few months. While Diane is in Colorado now and I have nothing much else to do but lay around the house and play with my weenie I'm going to try to begin to give it some serious thought. That's really the purpose of this lame blog post...to at least get me to start thinking about it!

The "m" word (marriage) really hasn't been put on the table yet and that's a subject that somewhat scares me. It's been a LONG time since I've been a serious committed relationship, even a longer time (over 30 years!) since I've been married. I've become somewhat of a loner and very appreciative of my independence. Up until now this relationship with Diane, just like my last relationship with my Filipino princess Marcella, has pretty much been a weekend only thingy. I love the weekends with Diane for the companionship as well as the sex but I also love my time alone during the week. It's hard to explain but I miss Diane during the week and at the same time love the time by myself. Go figure! And yet...and yet...at the ripe old age of 69 (70 next summer!) if I'm not ready to settle down with a companion (who I truly do love!) full time now I will never be! Living together is of course an option but Diane's parents (who I've already met along with the rest of her family) are rather conservative and I'm sure they would rather we be married. I suspect Diane's wishes would be the same. There are also some financial implications (primarily medical and retirement) that favor marriage over living together for both of us too. Oh this is all too much to contemplate at this late hour! I'll think about it tomorrow...or the day after!

So here I am alone once again at Christmas time! No big deal since in recent years that's been the rule rather than the exception. Diane and I celebrated Christmas yesterday (December 19th) and this morning I drove her to the Sacramento airport for her flight to Colorado. Since we've exchanged Christmas presents that means my Christmas shopping is over! Thank you Jesus for that! I've also sent out my Christmas cards and have sent packages to my daughter Jennie in Oregon and my sister Karen in Colorado. Nothing much to do this week but stay away from the freaking mall and relax. I've got plenty of time for jerking off both literally and figuratively!

By the way just because I'm in a relationship I haven't lost my passion for masturbation! Jerking off still gets me through the week while Diane is living and working 80 miles away. Our separations are sometimes a couple of weeks long like right now and when she has other things to do (she's an artist as well as a teacher and does quite a few art shows) on her weekends. Yup jacking off still gets me through the solitary days and nights and feels just as good as it did when I was a horny teenager! Well ALMOST as good anyway!

Enough of this nonsense for now. I realize most of my regular readers (both of them!) are long gone but to anybody who stumbles on this post I thank you for reading and wish you the best of happy holidays. May you have a Merry Christmas and a prosperous, happy and sex filled 2010! I'll be back later in that year to tell you how our relationship is progressing. I feel extremely optimistic that this one is going to have a happy ending but I have been wrong before...many, many times before! Who knows what my crystal ball really holds this year besides lots more jacking off for me? Keep your fingers and anything else you have crossed for the Horny Old Guy. Oh yeah you can keep up with my sexual rants and raves on my TWITTER thingy where I'm just as lame and just as horny as I am here...only not so long winded! Thanks again for reading this crap! Bye for now!

Back in the Saddle...And It's About Time!

2009-05-12T16:20:00.000-07:00

Hey it's me and I'm fucking again! Believe it or not my 2+ years of getting sexual relief only from my right hand came to an end on Easter weekend. Since there is hardly anybody out there reading this lame ass blog anymore (and I fully understand that!) I'll try to make this brief but I just feel like I should share the good news and put my feelings in writing! There is more than just sex involved here too. From the very beginning I've had the feeling that this might be a long term relationship, maybe the one I've been looking for for a long, long time! It's early though and only time will tell about that. I've been right where I am now many times before, going back to my first love in high school, a sweet young girl named Vicki. I thought for sure we were going to get married and live happily ever after, just like Ozzie and Harriett and Lucy and Desi on our 1950's TV set. Alas Vicki dumped me for a jock! I had similar optimistic feelings at the beginning of both of my marriages and some other relationships along the way too. Unfortunately all of those love fests fizzled out, some much more quickly than others and for a variety of reasons. I'm too much of a realist now to make any lifelong hearts and roses predictions...and yet...and yet I've got a very good feeling about this one!

My new sweetie's name is Diane. She's an elementary school teacher and artist who lives about 80 miles away in a medium sized town which I better not name to protect her identity. With my luck one of the two people reading this blog would live next door to her or teach at the same school! Diane is a tall, very attractive blond. She's been married once, divorced for the last seven years, 52 years old but looks more like mid thirties, very energetic and athletic, has a great sense of humor and is several times smarter than me. I met her in January in a Southwest Airlines boarding gate lounge at the Denver airport. I had been in Denver visiting my sister Karen and her family and Diane was coming from Colorado Springs where she's got family. I noticed her immediately when she came into the seating area and was pleased when she sat down next to me, probably only because it was one of the few seats left. She actually initiated the conversation, asking me if I heard any recent announcements about our weather delayed flight. We were both going to Sacramento with a change of planes in Las Vegas.

We got to chatting, initially about how miserable air travel is nowadays and one thing led to another and we were soon telling each other all about our lives. Have you ever noticed how travelers will frequently open up to fellow travelers more than they normally would to next door neighbors or even to close friends? No I didn't mention what my favorite hobby (jerking off) is you silly! Our plane turned out to be over two hours late so we went for coffee, walked around and chatted some more to kill the time. On Southwest you don't get assigned seats so it was natural for us to sit next to each other on the plane and continue our conversation. We had a very quick layover in Las Vegas due to our late flight out of Denver and we sat together again on the flight from Vegas to Sacramento. By the time we got off the plane I felt like I had known her six months! We had a late dinner at an airport restaurant in Sacramento, exchanged e mail addresses (no phone numbers) said goodbye and went in separate directions to our homes.

Diane didn't tell me her age that day and thinking she was MUCH younger than myself I really didn't think a romance was in our future. I was however highly turned on by her and when I got home the first thing I did in bed was...oh you know...to thoughts and fantasies of her. I e mailed her the next day telling her how much I enjoyed meeting and talking to her and she immediately e mailed back and said likewise. Soon we were e mailing each other several times a week, still no phone numbers though. That went on for about a month and a half then I found an excuse to go to a Sacramento which is closer to her city. I asked her if she would like to go out to dinner that Saturday night in her town. She responded by e mail saying she would love to do that and gave me her phone number! With thoughts of finally getting laid again running through my ancient brain my cock was throbbing in my pants like a horny teenager as I talked with Diane for the first time on the phone and finalized our dinner date.

Sadly on that first night all I got was a little hugging and kissing on her living room couch. When I put my hand on her breast she stopped me and told me she wasn't ready to get involved with sex yet. Damn the bad luck! Just like when I was a teenager over fifty fucking years ago and many times thereafter... the date ended with a trip home with sore nuts and a late night jack off session. Some things never change! However a couple of days later Diane mentioned to me on the phone that we both should probably have STD tests. Of course that could only mean one thing...Diane was ready and willing to fuck! It's hard to argue with the STD test request nowadays! I told you Diane was a smart woman! I've been a good boy since Marcy and I broke up so I was reasonably sure that I could and would easily pass that test...and I did just that.

Easter weekend was our second "date" and this time we went to Lake Tahoe for the three day weekend, Friday to Sunday. By then Diane had also had a negative STD tests and when I asked her if she wanted two queen beds of one king bed in our hotel room she said "One king is okay with me!" "Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus!" thought the Horny Old Guy, feeling that familiar rising in his shorts! Yup that weekend turned out to be when I finally "got lucky" with Diane for the first time, two lovely nights in a hotel at the lake and Sunday night in Diane's bed in her house. Can you say "pussy whipped" dude? Ah nothing like being away from being sucked and fucked and eating pussy for a while to make you realize what you've missed. I'm happy to say that I didn't even need my Viagra which I had packed for insurance just in case! Since that wonderful weekend there have been two weekend trips to Diane's place and one weekend visit by her to my place. The only weekend we've missed is when she had a seminar to attend. She's coming here next weekend and on Memorial Day weekend we're going back to Lake Tahoe for another lovely and I'm sure sex filled weekend. Life is good!

There is of course the distance thing that makes this less than an ideal romance. There are 80 miles between our homes, 160 miles for a round trip, which pretty much means weekends only at least until Diane's school gets out for the summer. There is also the fact that Diane is from Colorado and since her family (parents, grown daughter, one grandchild) are still there she would like to move back there. Her ex brought her to California when his work brought him out here after their daughter was raised. She likes California but misses her family and old friends and wants to go back to where she was raised, possibly as soon as the end of the school year next year. Then I'm also not quite sure if Diane feels the same passion for me that I do for her. I think she does...but I'm still not sure. We'll have to see what develops in the upcoming weeks and months and see whether our romance blossoms or fades. Like I said before I think this is the start of something very good but for now I'm just going to relax and enjoy it day by day.

I'll let you (both of you!) know what happens but I won't be blogging that much about Diane. I've pretty much shot my wad on blogging. Besides I found out with my last romance with Marcy that there was a good amount of guilt on my part regarding "fuck and tell" or more accurately "fuck and blog". I also worried, maybe without foundation, that Marcy would somehow stumble on my blog which would not have been a good thing. Knowing Diane as I do it would be even less of a good thing with her. I was pleased to find out early on in an e mail that she was an advocate of masturbation but I don't think she would appreciate a blow-by-blow description or even a mention of our intimate moments in a blog. She also doesn't know that I am not only an advocate but the self proclaimed "King of Masturbation" who has let it all hang out (in more ways than one!) in my own X rated blog! This time I'm just going to try to resist the temptation to blab about our sex life on line. All I can tell you is so far that's it's been SUPER! End of subject...at least for now.

I'll be back at some time in the future with an update of how things are going in this new romance but I'm not sure when. I've been experimenting with TWITTER with much more frequent posts but I really should restrain myself (with intimate details about my lust for Diane) there too. Don't forget that May is National Masturbation Month so y'all join in the festivities, ya' hear? Hey with this basically a weekend only thing, at least so far, I'm still doing my part to celebrate during the week you know. I could never give up jacking off completely any more than I could give up breathing anyway. It's just too damn much fun! I'm definitely doing it a bit less now but possibly even enjoying it even more since Diane had made me so horny even when she's not here. Thanks for reading, have a great and sex fulled summer, see y'all on TWITTER!

Oh My God! They're Playing My Song!

2009-03-06T08:34:00.000-08:00

Having little to do these days but twiddle my thumbs and play with my weenie I decided to put together a montage of graphics from my web site and still pictures I got from Google Image Search and combine them with a silly song I got from the web which deals with my favorite solitary activity. I wanted to post it on YouTube so I had to keep it fairly clean since YouTube prohibits full frontal nudity and explicit sex. I think it turned out reasonably well and have decided to embed it in my blog for your viewing pleasure. I hope you get a few chuckles out of it. No that fat bastard in the video is NOT me and I sure hope whoever he is he doesn't decide to sue me! You will see a slightly disguised and censored Mike in the video if you look close.

You can see a more explicit version of this video (without the fat man and Imelda Marcos as the Filipino whore LOL) I posted on X Tube HERE.

Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? As well as starting a YouTube account and an X Tube account to post dumb and nasty videos I'm also on Twitter, whatever the fuck that is. I'm still trying to figure that one out although it appears to be the lazy man's (or woman's) way to blog and put inane comments about your dull and ordinary life that nobody cares about ("Just took a shit and everything came out fine!")on the web. Oh well that's just what I've been doing right here in this blog for the last 4 years! If you're extremely bored or a glutton for punishment check out my Twitter thingy RIGHT HERE.

I see that you now have to go through a "Content Warning" to enter this blog. According to Blogger "Some readers of this blog have contacted Google because they believe this blog's content is objectionable." Wow! I don't understand why people would think that, do you? LOL Anyway this procedure has apparently taken all of my nasty pictures and graphics out of the Google image search engine which in turn has cut the visitors to my blog WAY down. I was actually getting 10,000 visitors and over 20,000 hits a month from all over the world for a while even though this lame ass blog has been basically dead for almost two years. I now have a mere fraction of those numbers, down by about 80 per cent I think. I guess this means no more Eskimos or Ubangis will be jacking off to my nude pictures of Kate Winslet or Drew Barrymore. Sayonara to all those horndogs in Japan and Bonjour to all those fuckers from France! Oh well...my newfound international popularity was nice while it lasted!

In other news I've recently met someone of the female variety and have the feeling that I soon might be "getting lucky" again if you know what I mean and I think you do. It's still early and only time will tell as to whether the Horny Old Guy will soon be "back in the saddle" but I've got a good feeling about it. Keep your fingers and anything else you've got crossed for me. More about this soon...I hope! Meanwhile there is nothing for me to do but prepare for another "Saturday Night Jack Off" like old Fat Boy in my YouTube video! Thanks for stopping by!

Jacking Off to Sarah Palin!

2008-10-11T13:28:00.000-07:00

As John McCain might say "My friends I just can't help myself!" I just have to come out of blogging semi-retirement to name Ms. Sarah Palin, Governor of the great state of Alaska, Republican Vice Presidential candidate and darling of the right wing Rush Limbaugh worshipping crowd as my Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the Month...no make it my Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the YEAR! Yeah I'll admit it my friends...I've been springing boners and whacking off over Sweet Sarah ever since John McCain announced her as his running mate. By the way just what was that McCain dude thinking? In my most humble and ancient opinion Sarah is about as qualified to be Vice President or President (HELP!) as I am. However she is indeed a good looking babe and at my age I have to take my cheap thrills where I can find them! Yup folks as much as I hate to admit it darn it I've been jacking off to Sarah Palin! You betcha' I have!

Apparently I am not alone in my lust for Sarah. Everybody from teenage boys who consider Sarah "one hecka kewl MILF (Mother I'd Like to Fuck)" to old farts like me (more than old enough to be Sarah's daddy!) are beating our meat while fantasizing what it would be like to see Sarah in her birthday suit or better yet get some head from or play "Hide the Salami" with her. Check out THIS spoof McCain commercial on You Tube entitled "I Masturbated to Sarah Palin" to see what I'm talking about. Yeah it's quite evident that all of us red blooded American males of all ages are jacking off to Sarah! And you thought I had reached bottom when I gave Katy Couric the great honor of being one of my celebrity jack off fantasies eh?

For further proof of the male sexual obsession with Ms. Palin note that Larry Flynt and Hustler magazine are about to release a porno DVD featuring a Sarah lookalike entitled "Nailin' Pailin" (LOL) (above). Then there is the brand new "This is NOT (Right!) Sarah Palin" inflatable love doll shown at left which comes complete with three love holes for your bi-partisan sexual pleasure, $59.95 plus shipping and handling, batteries not included. Hillary Clinton is reported to be envious and angry that a Hillary love doll is not in the works. Bubba agrees and says it's all the media's fault. He says he might even be interested in buying one of those Hillary dolls because he would probably get more sexual satisfaction from it than he does from the real Hillary who of course has never forgiven him for all those juicy blow jobs he got from Monica Lewinsky.

Before I get branded a sexist pig (Really I'm not!) let me add that I voted for Hillary Clinton in the primary and would love to see Senator Clinton or any other intelligent and QUALIFIED woman of either party as president or vice president. God knows they couldn't screw things up any worse than some of the recent occupants of the White House and yes I'm thinking of one president in particular! Sarah Palin is just not the answer though, again in my most humble and ancient opinion! I mean one heartbeat away from the presidency and when that president is 72 years old? Give me a break! Disagree? That is your absolute right and I respect your difference of opinion...even if you're wrong! LOL If you fine people up there in the great frozen state of Alaska (a state I have visited several times and love by the way!) think she is the greatest thing since mooseburgers well that's just fine with me...just keep her up there...please! Sarah will of course remain a fixture in my masturbatory fantasies for some time to come. In fact I'm getting a hard on thinking of her right now!

Unfortunately there is nothing to report regarding my social and sex life since my last posting in May of this year. The summer was a good one for me despite the lack of sexual activity and it went flying by just as it always does. I didn't get laid one time, damn the bad luck! That makes it over a year and a half since I've been able to enjoy the wonderful sports of eating pussy, having my weenie sucked and fucking. Do I miss those things as well as the other aspects of steady female companionship? Well Hell yeah! Even though I'm an optimist at heart and still expect to meet the love of my life, at my age (68! Wow!) I do have to face the fact that my pussy eating and fucking days may be over for good now...and yet...and yet I have no complaints. As I've said before I'm pretty much a happy camper...or happy jerker and my right hand together with fantasies about Sarah Palin as well as that young babe down at the donut shop (among many, many others!) will get me through the lonely nights.

If and when my social life picks up and I have something to say besides "Well I jacked off again last night!" you nice folks will be the first to know. Until then enjoy the fall season and the upcoming holidays! My fellow Americans please don't you forget to vote even if it's for Sarah Palin and that cranky old guy she's running with. This is one of the most important elections I can remember in my lifetime and I've been through quite a few. My sincere apologies to anyone I have offended with this post, particularly those of one of our two major political parties. As always, thanks for reading! Now let me get back to fantasizing about Sarah! And once again the sound of the zipper on the fly of the Horny Old Guy is heard in the distance...

One Year Later...Still Kicking and Still Jerking!

2008-05-18T11:15:00.001-07:00

In response to tons of e mail requests (well actually two of them) to update my lame ass blog and with nothing else to do on this hot spring afternoon except play with my dick I'm decided to do just that...update my blog that is! The playing with my dick will come later. I'm always surprised when I come back here and find that people are still visiting this goofy site and reading my incoherent babbling when I haven't made a new posting since May of last year. In fact I'm getting more hits now than I did when I was actively blogging! If you read my "farewell" post right below this one you'll see that I mentioned that I had some 85,000 hits then and now, just a year later I have over 220,000 hits! Likewise I had some 5700 views of my profile and now I have over 8000 views! "Who the hell are these people and haven't they got something better to do with their lives?" I wondered for months.

Thanks to an e mail from a long time reader I think I finally found an answer to that perplexing question. Most likely the Google Image search engine has quite a bit to do with my new found popularity. Do a Google image search for "National Masturbation Month" for instance and you'll see that several of the homemade images from this blog are right at the top of the list. Click on one of those images and you get a link this lame and goofy blog! Wow! I'm famous (sort of!) Welcome to all of you Image Googlers! If anything on this blog offends you you have my sincere apology. That'll teach you to click on those nasty pictures though! If anybody has a better explanation for my steadily increasing readership please let me know with a comment or an e mail.

So what has Mike the Horny Old Guy been up to for the last year? Well both a lot and not very much. I pretty much did all of the things I had planned to do when I quit blogging last year. Lots of travel included a long (and expensive!) trip to Europe. My project of restoring a vintage aircraft for a museum with some old friends took us well into the fall...and we still didn't get it finished. Work has resumed this spring although I'm not as involved as I was before. There was just way too much work and way too much driving back and forth to Sacramento for this old far...I mean retired gentleman. In retrospect though the project itself and the camaraderie with old friends had it's rewards and I have no regrets in getting involved. No such ambitious plans for this summer though. I think I'll just stay home and jack off!

Yeah I know what you are wondering! "So how is your sex life you horny old bastard?" I regret to say that it still pretty much sucks! "What else is new Mike?" is probably your response. I wish that I could say that I had slipped the salami to Kathy my lovely red headed condo neighbor or better yet that we were now living happily ever after but that is just not the case so I won't lie to you. Kathy apparently went back to her ex, damn the bad luck! We were on the condo Board of Directors and worked on projects together but she resigned and now I only see her driving through the complex once in a while, usually with some some dude young enough to be my son. Of course since I'm old enough to Kathy's father I suppose it's is quite appropriate that she be dating or living with someone her own age. He might be her ex or he might be a new boyfriend but it looks to me like they are definitely a live in couple. I haven't talked to her in months and am reasonably sure that the chances of getting in her panties, of burying my face and cock in that lovely but unseen red haired bush are for all practical purposes non existent. Now all I get from Kathy is a wave and a smile, not quite as appealing as the orgies I had envisioned in my jack off fantasies. Damn the bad luck!

Last fall I put a personals ad on Craigslist which as you probably know is a free regional on line classified bulletin board with a big dating and casual encounters section. I specified that I was a clean cut 67 year old gentleman (what are you laughing at?) interested in meeting women of any age for the purposes of cocksucking and pussy eating...no I really said just to get together for dinner and other social activities. I got about a dozen responses, mostly from women my age or older. A couple scared me off with their e mail responses alone. One obvious gold digger almost wanted a financial statement from me! After a few e mail exchanges a couple of others seemed like they belonged in a loony bin. I went out with three women and although they were nice enough there just was no spark between us. We had virtually nothing in common. Two were in their mid 50's and one had just turned 60 although age had nothing to do with my rejection of them. Even though my recent relationships have been with somewhat younger women I having nothing at all against dating women my own age. Two of the women lived 50 miles away in Sacramento, the other even further in the Sierra foothills which was another negative factor. I'd had enough driving back and forth to Sacramento while working on my aircraft project. Maybe I gave up to soon but my experiences on Craigslist were not so good. No I didn't "get lucky" with any of the three of them.

I also flew to Florida early this year to meet someone who has posted nice comments on my blog regularly. She's a very nice woman but I think we would both agree that we got along better in cyberspace, even on the phone than we did in person. Please forgive me for that ill timed and clumsy pass I made at you Ms. C.T. Can we blame it on all the champagne? Probably not. There's not much more that I want to say about that little escapade except that it was just further evidence of the truthfulness of that old adage "There is no fool like an old fool!" Like I haven't been demonstrating that since I started blogging huh? Ms. C.T. if you are still reading this blog (which I sort of doubt) you are a class act and again I publicly apologize.

My travels, both domestic and foreign, were also pretty much of a bust in the romance and sex department not that I had any great hopes in that area. I met a few women along the way but it never got beyond casual conversation or lunch on a train traveling through Europe. As in my last European trip I was tempted by the whores in Amsterdam and Copenhagen and Munich but in today's dangerous world my whoring days are long over. I don't care how many condoms you put on me or how the prostitution business is regulated I just don't want to fuck a woman who even MIGHT have an STD. Nope I would rather just go back to my hotel and fantasize and jack off...and that's just what I did on my travels...night after night! (Romantic isn't it? LOL)

What this all boils down to is no poontang for over a year for the Horny Old Guy. Not an ideal situation by any means but as always with the help of my fantasies and my right hand I made it through the days and nights and and weeks and months! No nookie is no big deal for me since I've been alone much more than I've been in a relationship during my 67 (soon to be 68!) years. Jacking off still works now for me as well as it did when I was a horny teenager...well almost as well anyway! I don't dwell at all on my solitary existence nor am I looking for sympathy. There are great rewards to living alone in fact and given a little time I realize that after every relationship ends. I truly do value my independence even though I know that being in a committed relationship can even be more rewarding. My last sweetheart Marcella seems like ancient history to me now. Would I let her into my life or bed again? Uhhh...thinking of those sweet Sunday morning blow jobs...well HELL YEAH! That ain't gonna happen though. The last time I saw her she was engaged and her sweetie pie roommate Patty who I lusted after is married and pregnant. It's definitely time to forget about both of those babes now, except possibly in my masturbatory fantasies.

I do still miss regular blogging but as I compose this post I realize that it's also way too much work, especially when my social and sexual life is still in limbo. As I've asked before how many ways are there to say "Well I jacked off again last night!"? By now I think I've exhausted the possibilities. I still may get back to regular posts if and when things pick up in my sex life but for now it will be irregular posting at best. If nothing else maybe I'll do an annual update in this month of May, my blogging anniversary month and more importantly and appropriately National Masturbation Month. Y'all don't forget to join in the festivities, ya hear?

That's more than enough mental masturbation for now folks. Thanks to all my old friends and former readers who still stop by here occasionally and once again welcome to all of you newbies who are stumbling in here for the first time wondering "What the fuck is this?" I'm leaving the comments section on this post open. I'd really appreciate any comments (make them anonymously if you like) and as always I will respond to all e mail. For now, thanks to all of you for reading this nonsense! Enjoy your bodies and enjoy your life! Goodbye again for now!

All Bad Things Must Come to an End!

2007-05-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

Yup that headline is correct folks! Click on the newspaper image to read all about it. It's time for the Horny Old Guy to put an end to all of this nonsense...at least for a while. There are a variety of reasons for my decision which I will attempt to outline below. Today marks the second anniversary of starting this goofy thing and by coincidence it's also my 200th post. If that's not enough it's also National Masturbation Month. What better time to pull the plug huh?

I started this wacky blog two years ago today, on May 16, 2005 with THIS lame ass post. I definitely was a bit unclear on the concept of blogging at the time. I thought it was more like a private diary and in the beginning that's probably what it was. I got almost no comments and I'm sure I had almost no readers. That didn't make much difference and I'm quite sure that most bloggers blog as much or more for their own enjoyment as for that of their readers. Now I look at my hit counter which shows over 85,000 hits and see that almost 5700 curious souls have clicked on my profile and I say "Who are all of these people?" I mean I still get very few comments so I truly haven't got a clue as to who all of these lurkers are. How do they find this thing? I'm sure some just stumble on it and say "Whoa! This old fucker is nuts! I'm out of here!" and I don't blame them. Some apparently do keep coming back for more new posts or delve into my archives. They are truly gluttons for punishment but I really do appreciate it! It's always nice to know you aren't talking to yourself even if you haven't got much to say!

I've let it all hang out (in more ways than one!) in this blog, divulged personal things about my past and present sex life that I've never told another person, not my closest friend or my two ex wives nor any of my many past lovers over the years. Some of those things I am not too proud of but I felt they had to be included. It's been a liberating and fun experience but it's time to zip it up and move on. My current social and sex life has been in a funk ever since Marcella left me which gives me additional incentive to at least take a break from this mental (but not my physical) masturbation. I mean how many ways can you say "Well I jacked off again all weekend?" I feel good about the possibility of establishing a long term relationship with my neighbor and new friend Kathy but that is going to take a while before it gets interesting...and maybe it never will.

Another thing that I have to consider is that I felt very uncomfortable and guilty writing about the sexual details of my relationship with Marcella while we were together, maybe even more so about writing of my lust for her sexy roommate Patty. This really bothered me more than I let on in my posts. I'm not good at keeping secrets and almost every time Marcella was over here I felt guilty that I would be blogging on Monday morning about our Saturday night fuck fests and her sweet Sunday morning blow jobs. I also worried about her finding this blog on my computer...and there were indeed a couple of close calls. I'm not sure I want to go through all that again if things get going with Kathy or any future girlfriend. Believe it or not I've never really been a "kiss and tell" (or "fuck and tell"!) type of guy...at least before I started this blog!

Additionally, as much as I've really enjoyed blogging, it's been taking up way too much of my time. It also looks like it will be a really busy summer for me. Two friends from my working days (as a civilian in military aircraft electronics) and myself are getting ready to restore a vintage aircraft for a museum. This will involve lots of travel to and from Sacramento and some overnight layovers there. I'm also planning some extensive summer travel. It's been far too long since I've been to Europe so I'm getting ready to take another independent tour of the continent. London, Paris, Amsterdam, Venice, Rome, Munich...ah just think...I'll be jacking off in all of those places! (Romantic, isn't it? LOL). I'll also be taking a road trip to visit my sister in Colorado and see some old friends in other parts of the country. All that along with my duties as president of our condo Board of Directors (which is taking up more of my time than I envisioned!) and trying to get into Kathy's pant...I mean establishing a warm personal relationship with Kathy will keep me more than occupied until the fall. I may get back to blogging then...or anytime things substantially improve in my social life. I suspect that there will be some further updates in the life of the Horny Old Guy. I'm just not sure when they will come. Check back here once in a while if you'd care to.

I will truly miss blogging though and I'm sure there will be some withdrawal symptoms. I've looked forward to writing new posts bi-weekly and digging up some silly illustrations to go with them. I've greatly enjoyed the comments that I have received as well as the occasional e mail. I'd sincerely like to thank all of you people (including all you lurkers!) for reading this nonsense, especially those of you who came back time and time again and/or left comments. To the two lovely women who sent me nude pictures of yourself, you will forever have my gratitude! I wish all of you the best! Until we meet again, enjoy your bodies and your lives! Thanks again for reading and goodbye for now!

P.S. I don't know if I ever mentioned it or not (LOL) but...

Sometimes I Wonder

2007-05-11T08:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder how much longer I will be "alive and kicking" (or in my case "alive and jerking!) on this sometimes strange, sometimes ugly but still wonderful planet. Even though I am in great health and still feel and act like a horny teenager much of the time I occasionally have to face the fact that I am 66 years old with 67 just a few short months away. Facing my own mortality is not something I dwell on you understand...but at my age (any age in fact!) you do have to remember that it ain't gonna' last forever! There just ain't no way to get out of this life alive that I know of! Actually I had that figured out at about six years of age but back then my sixties seemed so far, far away! My biggest surprise in life has definitely been how the years have flown by so quickly...and they still aren't slowing down! I'm now in the third and final act of this real life drama so I better make it good!

Sometimes I also wonder how good or bad my remaining years will be, romantically speaking. Will I find a compatible companion to spend them with or will I like so many elderly people be forced to live a solitary and sometimes lonely life. Being an optimist I tend to think that I will find another partner to live those final years with. It could possibly be Kathy or it may be someone else I've yet to meet. Then again it might be nobody...only time will tell. Actually I don't mind living alone all that much. I've lived by myself more than I've been in relationships in my life and for the most part I've enjoyed it. Oh it would be nice to find the perfect relationship but I learned a long time ago that most people do not live like Ozzie and Harriett or the Cleaver family of "Leave It To Beaver" fame. There are few worse things in life than being in a miserable relationship. I do speak from experience there!

Sometimes I wonder if I will continue to be the horny bastard that I am today as I move into my 70's and 80's and if I'm lucky even into my 90's. Will I still be ogling the babes off and on the web and fantasizing about eating pussy and fucking and getting sucked off? Will I be getting any real poontang at all or will my sex life be limited to compulsive jacking off as it is now? Or will I slowly lose interest in the sex game altogether and by then even Viagra won't help the old pecker stand at attention? I tend to think that I will stay still pretty much as I am, one horny old son-of-a-bitch, at least for a good long while. I really believe in the old theory of "use it or lose it!" and God knows my old dong gets plenty of use!

I suppose that my biggest fear is that I will become immobile and/or senile and end up in a nursing home. Does anybody know if you are allowed to jack off in those goddamn places? Are you allowed to play "Hide the Salami" with the female residents if you both are ready and willing and still remember how to do it? Actually it's a minority of people who end up there and I intend to keep active mentally and physically and independent as long as possible. Meanwhile maybe somebody will come up with Viagra for the brain! Like the whole concept of my mortality, it's not something that I dwell on. Whatever will be, will be!

Sometimes I wonder more than anything else how long I can keep coming up with new ideas for this lame ass blog, especially since my social/sex life is currently in another state of limbo. I'll have more to say about that subject on my next post which by the way will be my 200th post and on the second anniversary of my blog next Wednesday. Until then you folks all take it one day at a time but remember it ain't gonna' last forever...and that even goes for you young whippersnappers! Remember also that it's still National Masturbation Month so y'all join in the festivities! Cheers!

Jacking Off...to Katie Couric?

2007-05-04T07:24:00.000-07:00

Okay guys I have some bad news and some good news for you. The bad news is that I racked my brain and the best I could come up with for my "Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the Month" of May is Katie Couric (above). The good news is the runners up were Rosie O'Donnell and Hillary Clinton (below)...so it could have been MUCH worse! LOL Oh God I'm in a silly mood this morning!

Actually I was thinking about who to award this great honor to last night and Katie came on the TV reading the news. I thought to myself "I wouldn't mind fucking that babe!" (a common thought for me with all the TV news women with the possible exception of CNN's Candy Crowley!) and then the light went on in my ancient brain. Yes! Katie will be my Jack Off Fantasy for May! For my readers in foreign lands (both of you!) who are not familiar with Katie, she was the long time co-host of the Today show which has been a popular morning news and entertainment program here in America for decades. In 2006 Katie became the first female solo anchor on one of our "big three" national network evening news programs (and good for her for that!)

Katie has always had that sort of "girl next door" quality to her. Perky and nice as well as very smart, the kind of gal you'd like for a sister or an aunt (no incest jokes please!) as well as for a girlfriend or wife. She was also known for her short skirts on the Today program which displayed those lovely legs to full advantage. She doesn't look bad in a bathing suit either, does she? Yeah Katie was and is a babe! She is also 50 years old so don't say that I always choose the young women for my celebrity jack off inspiration. Most of the time? Yup! But not always! I'd play "Hide the Salami" with Katie any day...and I have about as much chance of doing that as I do in becoming the next husband of Britney Spears! My fantasies will set me free though! Katie you da' woman for the month of May!

There was a little controversy over a photograph released by the network when Katie started her news anchor gig last year. The CBS network apparently used Photoshop or some other image manipulation software to take about 80 pounds off of Katie for a publicity portrait. See the results above. Hmmmm...well if Katie can use Photoshop, so can yours truly the Horny Old Guy! The "slightly adjusted" picture of me below right might come in handy if I start getting involved in computer dating! Come to think of it I better forget it. I might get sued for false advertising if things progress the way I hope they will if you know what I mean and I think you do! Hey I told you I was in a silly mood this morning!

If you guys can't get too inspired by Katie just check out "celebrity" in my index/label column at the right side of my blog. I suspect you'll find LOTS of inspiration for jerkin' there! Whatever your inspiration don't forget to join in the festivities in celebrating National Masturbation Month with the Horny Old Guy. That goes for all of you lovely women too...pull out those Hitachi Magic Wands (or whatever!) and come (cum?) to the masturbation party with us! Enjoy your bodies...and the weekend! Bye bye for now!

Boners in the Barber Chair

2007-04-26T08:15:00.000-07:00

I get my hair cut by a lovely young Vietnamese woman who looks absolutely good enough to eat, which among other things is just what I'd like to do to her. Yeah I know...fat fucking chance you old fart! My Viet sweetie barber looked and smelled particularly delicious yesterday morning and as I gazed on that shapely butt and low cut neckline I began to feel a stiffness rising in my pants. Parts of her body were occasionally brushing against mine as she went about her work and that was working it's usual magic on the old pecker. "Ah so close...and yet so far away!" thought the Horny Old Guy to himself! Not the first time that I've sprung a throbbing boner in that barber chair!

I've fantasized about unzipping my pants and having a quickie jack off under that sheet from time to time. It's always a rush to jack off somewhere where you shouldn't be doing it. If I thought I could discreetly get away with it, I might even try it. The under the sheets vibration would probably give my uncivil, ungentlemanly conduct away though and the Horny Old Guy really is a gentleman as you all are aware of by now (what are you laughing at?) I would also worry that my barber/hair stylist would finish her work before I finished mine and pull back the sheet to reveal my senior citizen dong in action...and then who knows what would happen? She would either laugh or scream and call the cops. Nope, it ain't worth going to jail for or even getting kicked out of her shop for. I'll be a good boy and keep in zipped in that barber shop. Yesterday I did what I always do on such occasions...left the barber shop with a stiff dick (wonder if she noticed the bulge?) and went home and jacked off while I fantasized eating and fucking and being sucked off by that lovely Asian barber shop babe.

Did you know that there was one time that I actually did get offered a blow job in a barber shop? That was by another Asian honey on a trip to Bangkok over 25 years ago. I wrote about that trip HERE Back then (and probably still now!) sex was for sale all over Bangkok. You could get fucked or sucked off at almost every place in town except McDonald's and I'm not even sure that they didn't ask you if you wanted a blow job along with those burgers and fries there. Anyway I went to a barber shop to get a haircut right after I first arrived in Bangkok and this young, very attractive Thai babe took me into the back room where there was a bed and asked me if I wanted some oral service (for a substantial extra charge of course!) in addition to my haircut. I was tempted but turned her down. I'd come to Bangkok primarily for sex but I wanted to look around, to see what else was on the menu, before indulging my erotic fantasies. This young Thai female barber was however just as lovely as the one I patronize here in Stockton.

I truly love women of all races but Asian women have an extra special, erotic, exotic appeal to most of us guys I believe. Ah those lovely young butts, those small to medium sized but very firm breasts, those warm, tight pussies...oh control yourself Mike! Finish this fucking post before you start jacking off again! LOL I got my first taste of Asian sexual hospitality at the young age of 18 while I was in the Army and stationed in in Korea. There were side trips to Japan for even more rewarding Asian sexual experiences. Admittedly that sex was all with prostitutes but when you are 18 and horny and away from home and your American girlfriend (in my case my ex girlfriend!) that really didn't make any difference. It's "any old port in a storm" you understand and those were some lovely ports indeed! I was especially fond of those Asian blow jobs. Asian women are truly some of the best cocksuckers in the world. I didn't have sex with another Asian woman until I went to Bangkok thirty years later and there (after my haircut) I spent most of my week getting sucked and fucked by another sweet young Asian babe. Ah yes those were the days!

I'd always sort of hoped to find an Asian girlfriend somewhere along the line right here in the good old USA but that just never happened, damn the bad luck! When I was younger Asian women didn't seem to date guys of other races that much and I rarely saw them in the bars in my lecherous bar hopping one night stand days. I guess things have changed because when you look at college campuses nowadays it seems to be a status symbol for every guy to have an Asian girlfriend...and the young Asian women don't seem to object to having white or black boyfriends either. It's sort of like the fact that most modern young women (of all races, starting in their early teens) are apparently ready, willing and able to casually give blow jobs to their boyfriends with very little coaxing. They don't even consider blow jobs sex! (Thanks Bubba Clinton!) Yup I was just born fifty fucking years too soon! Oh well...as always my fantasies and my right hand will get me through the day and through the night!

Getting back to reality, my neighbor and fellow condo association board member Kathy came over last night and we edited and published our first monthly homeowners newsletter together. It was lots of fun and I'm looking forward to doing future issues with her. Once again we got along very well and I got my first hug from her (and she initiated the hug!) when she left. She declined my invitation to stay for a glass of wine though. "Maybe next time!", she said. It seems like I've heard that line before! Things are moving along nicely though...I think I've got a new good friend...and hopefully something more than that! Only time will tell. Yeah I'll admit it...I jacked off in bed while fantasizing about Kathy after she left too. They don't call me "the Horny Old Guy" for nothing folks! Two lovely jacking off fantasies in one day! Life is good!

With erotic thoughts of women of all races lingering in my ancient and dirty mind, I'll wish you all a great weekend! Thanks for reading this nonsense, see you next week!

Flickr'n and Jerk'n!

2007-04-23T09:45:00.000-07:00

I wish I had something more exciting to report on this Monday morning but it was just another ho-hum weekend for the three of us: me, my dick and my right hand. My next door neighbor Charlie wants to fix me up with a blind date, a middle aged gal he works with. Charlie says we were made for each other. (What? She's a young, rich nymphomaniac?) I'm tempted but I have never had one blind date in my life that turned out well. On most of them, my date and I found ourselves to be anywhere from moderately to totally incompatible. I'm not criticizing my dates you understand. For the most part they were decent people but we just seemed to have little in common. One did truly turn out to be "the blind date from Hell" (she later ended up in jail!) Then I got involved in a six month relationship that never should have happened with another blind date. I should have beat a hasty retreat after that first dinner but as I've said many times before, a stiff prick has no conscience! In short, she was a carrying way too much life long heavy baggage...but she was also a babe!

I just don't like dates pre-arranged by other people. And yet when I wake up with morning wood and no place to put it...I may let Charlie fix me up after all! I may still try that Craigslist thing too, whatever the fuck that is! The last time I tried computer dating I sure wasn't thrilled with the results though, as the cartoon at left illustrates. I still have the feeling that something good may come out of my relationship with my fellow condo association board member and neighbor Kathy but that may take a while since Kathy has already told me that she's not interested in a relationship for a while after coming off of a bad long term one earlier in the year. We have a meeting at my place on Wednesday night to put together our first co-produced homeowners newsletter (remind me to keep my jack off pictures out of it! LOL) and I'm looking forward to that of course! Maybe I can inch just a little bit closer to that red hair covered place I want to be. Only time will tell...but I may need something besides my right hand to tide me over in the meantime. I also have to face the fact that Kathy may not be interested in dating (or fucking) me even after she gets over her ex. No use putting all of your eggs in one basket eh? Whores and one night stands are still out of the question though. Been there, done that...but I ain't gonna do it ever again!

Saturday night I was feeling a combination of loneliness and horniness so I turned once again to Flickr for some visual inspiration for jacking off. I think I've mentioned THIS website before. It's a place where anyone can post their photographs for others to see. Anything from snapshots of the family and the family dog to travel photos to nude photos. Of course it's the latter which are of particular interest to the Horny Old Guy. Most of the nude photos are by amateurs or semi-pros but they are for the most part very high quality, many even artistic in nature. I find pictures of non professional semi-nude and nude women to be much more erotic than those you find in the men's magazines. To me those skin magazine pics look look all too similar and too airbrushed...just not natural! I'm not a fan of enhanced titties either. Nah, just show me the average woman without her clothes and I'll be one happy and horny camper. I guess that's why I love the nude beaches so much. Breast size doesn't make any difference nor does having the perfect figure. Any size, any age, any race...I just love to gaze upon that naked skin! I'd much rather look at the young woman behind the counter at McDonald's or the middle aged one sitting in front of me on the bus naked than the Playmate of the Month! Much more interesting and much more erotic...in my most humble opinion anyway!

So that was about it for my weekend folks! Flickr'n and jerk'n! Yeah I know...I really need to get a life! I'm working on that and you'll be the first to know when something happens. Until then, thanks as always for reading this boring crap! I'll be back later on in the week with more of the same!

Ever Take Nude Pics of Yourself?

2007-04-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

There is a shoe box hidden in the back of my closet with nothing but photos and video of myself in the nude and having sex (mostly with myself!). This material is in almost every visual format known to man (or woman!)...black and white and color Polaroid snapshots, 35mm color slides, 8mm and Super 8 movie film, black and white and color videotape and even a compilation of all this stuff on a CD-R and a DVD-R. I have of course used a few of these still pictures and movie/video frames to illustrate some of my posts in this blog, especially when these posts concerned my "hobby" of jacking off.

I'm really not sure why I started taking nude pics of myself although I suspect most amateur photographers have shot a few nude self portraits of themselves, especially in this digital age. In the old days it was pretty hard to do unless you did your own darkroom work or had a Polaroid camera. Up until the early 1970's, most mainstream commercial labs (the kind the drugstores use) would not return photos with any nudity in them even if there was no sexual content. You might get the negatives back but not the prints, although I'm sure those prints became the part of many a private collection! Depictions of hardcore sex were just out of the question back then, strictly illegal in fact.

I guess I was in my late 20's when I finally got a Polaroid camera and just for the hell of it shot a few black and white nude snapshots of myself, using the camera's self timer. In some of those pictures I had an erection and in some I was jacking off (yeah I know that's a surprise huh?). It sort of turned me on looking at these pics although I'm not sure why. I mean I was seeing my self naked in the mirror every day and in those days jacking off just about every day too. What's the fucking big deal about looking at a nude picture of yourself doing the same thing? I don't know...all I can say is that I got a rush out of it. Every once in a while from then on I would shoot a candid nude of myself with my Polaroid. Not an everyday thing you understand...just once in a while. When Polaroid came out with (expensive!) color film, I tried that for my self portrait nudes too.

When the labs relaxed their standards of what was obscene or not and allowed nudity (but no sex) I switched from Polaroids to 35mm color slides. I figured the labs weren't looking very close (or at all) at those slides anyway and that I could even get away with boner shots. That probably wasn't possible with prints and besides I really didn't want to shock or amuse (or arouse? LOL) those nice ladies who were processing and checking those prints. I'm really NOT an exhibitionist folks! This stuff was strictly for my own private collection. At the time I had no plans for showing it to anybody! Very little playing with my dong in my slide pics in those days either! Most of those slides were returned with no problem except for one time when all the nude boner shots were missing. Wonder who confiscated those pics and where they are now? At the time I was worried that they would show up in some gay magazine although I probably was inadequately equipped for that if you know what I mean and I think you do! LOL

About the same time that I was sending those rolls of 35mm slide film through the labs (the early 1970's) I got the bright idea that labs probably weren't checking 8mm movie films for nudity or explicit content either so one night when I had a few feet of film left in my 8mm movie camera, I took off all my clothes and filmed myself jacking off. The frame at left is from that roll of film. Just to protect myself, since porn was still pretty much illegal, I put the camera at my back (so I couldn't be identified) and used a phony name, address and phone number on the film envelope at the drugstore. As I suspected the film came back okay so I repeated that experiment from time to time over the next few years using various 8mm and Super 8 movie cameras.

Video of course made things MUCH easier. You could shoot anything you wanted without worrying about it being censored or seized. I went through several home video cameras, portable recorders, and camcorders from the Betamax days to present day Mini-DV and DVD and from time to time I've used every one of those gadgets to shoot some footage of me in the nude and usually jerking off. Hey with video you have to be doing something, don't you? When I really got lucky I scored some footage of me "slipping the salami" to my sweetie. More about that shortly. Most of the time it was just me, my camera and my weenie.

I foolishly posted a compilation of that 8mm film and video of me engaged in my favorite solitary activity over the years on X Tube. You can see that silly thing RIGHT HERE.

Digital still cameras were of course to still photography what video cameras were to movie photography. Shoot all you want of anything you want and look at it immediately! I've used that format too from time to time in recent years to shoot a still nude or jacking off shot of myself. Admittedly as I got older, I shot less of all types of this material. The novelty has long worn off and let's face it...I ain't the (somewhat) handsome young stud I once was. I now look in the mirror in the morning sometimes and say "Whoa! Who is that old fart? It just couldn't be me!" Oh it could be worse I suppose. I still have most of my hair and keep in pretty good shape but I am not the man I once was, at least physically. Those nude pics from thirty to forty years remind me of that time and time again. And yet...I still pull out the camera once in a while and shoot another nude self portrait of myself. Don't ask my why because I don't have an answer.

There are a very few nude shots of the women in my life in the shoe box too. Yeah I tried to get more but most women (including my recent sweetie Marcella) just didn't want me to shoot nudes of themselves, not even topless ones, and I respected their wishes. A few women didn't object and I took full advantage of their open mindedness. Lots of nudes including some full frontal of one sweetie from my forties in particular. Initially I used a couple of those tasteful nudes in my blog when I talked about those women but in retrospect I just didn't feel right about it and either deleted them or digitally altered them substantially and cut out the face shots entirely. I'm not the kind of guy who posts nude shots of old girlfriends on the web, at least without their permission and I'm not liable to get that permission at this stage of the game.

I also have a videotape which shows my old girlfriend Gloria (from my 50's) and I fucking and performing oral sex on each other. We made it in a motel in Santa Barbara (California) and were both pretty high at the time. Believe me Gloria would have never done that when she was straight and sober! It's more funny than erotic but I treasure it today. Again there is no way that I would ever put a clip of that little XXX rated video escapade that showed Gloria's face on line. She is still around and would be coming after me if she ever saw it anywhere on line and I wouldn't blame her. Nah it's best to just keep certain things private. An occasional picture of me nude or waving my weenie around (and only right here in this blog when the post calls for it!) is as far as I could ever go in making my nude pics public...and as a shy guy (really!) I'm absolutely amazed that I've done that!

I do have to say that I'm glad that I did take those nude shots of myself over the years though, especially those that I took in my younger years. I never intended for anyone but myself to see them and up until this blog few people ever did. Only a couple of my girlfriends saw them (only because they wanted to) and since I'd been divorced twice before I started taking them neither of my ex wives ever saw them. The jack off stuff has been kept completely private, again at least up until this goofy blog. Just like it's fun to go back and look at my old childhood pictures and my old school pictures, any of my old pictures in fact, I've found it to be fun once in a while to dig out this old shoe box and go through my old nude pictures. It's not something I'm obsessed with you understand. The nude/sex pictures are a small fraction of the photos I've taken of myself, family and friends, and places I've been over the years but I still value them and find them interesting. My only regret is I didn't get the opportunity to start earlier, say when I was about 18, maybe even earlier. I would advise everyone out there to start early, shoot a few nudes of yourself (and your partners if they don't object) from time to time and save them. Someday when you are an old fart like me you may be glad you did!

I do worry once in a while about someone finding my stash after I've gone and I've yet to find a really secure place to hide them. That's my only concern for now, and at my age and since I live alone that is indeed a concern! Hopefully I will soon find a companion for the rest of my life who I can trust to dispose of these pictures (if she wishes) after I've gone. Meanwhile I think I'll whip out the old digital camera (and the old weenie too!) and take a couple more pics to put in that shoe box before I put it back in it's hiding place. To those people who think that nudity is obscene (and I sincerely doubt that there are many of them who read this fucking blog!) I truly feel sorry for you. Look at what happened this week in Virginia (the mass murder at the university) or at the mess that our president has gotten us (the USA) into in Iraq...or the genocide taking place in Darfur! THAT is obscene my friends! Pictures of naked people? Pictures of people having sex? Nope, not obscene at all in my most humble and ancient opinion! Hey have a nice weekend y'all with or without your clothes! I promise there won't be any more naked pics of the Horny Old Guy for a while! Bye bye for now!

Oral Dreams

2007-04-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

Normally I don't dream all that much but since Marcella and I broke up I've been having all sorts of goofy dreams. No they aren't wet dreams! Actually I've never had a wet dream in my whole life. I used to think that something was wrong with my plumbing but I finally realized with all the jacking off that I've done (starting before puberty) and with the fucking and getting sucked off that I did anytime I had the chance there was and is no need for me to have wet dreams. Nature apparently provides us guys wet dreams only to get rid of our built up semen and that's never been a problem with me because of my "hobby" if you know what I mean and I think you do! It took me almost forty years to figure this all out (Duh!) which shows you how bright I am.

Way back in my twenties I decided that I would stop jacking off for a while, primarily just to see what a wet dream actually felt like. My jack off fast lasted for about a month I think. I was getting super horny, undressing every woman I saw on the street (oops...I do that anyway!), getting a hard on every time I took my dick out to take a piss...but still no fucking wet dream! One day I was driving down a country road, started thinking about pussy, sprung a big throbbing boner and said to myself "FUCK THIS!". I pulled over to the side of the road, whipped my dick out and jacked it off then and there. I don't think any ejaculation in my life has ever felt so good. The only bummer was that I got jism all over my pants and the car seat. What a flood! That was the one and only time that I ever I ever got a goofy idea like that. Now I think I know what makes those priests go bonkers! Anyway to this day I've never had a wet dream and I'd STILL like to know how they feel!

My dreams lately seem to always involve me eating pussy rather than fucking or getting sucked off. I even had a dream about being over at Marcella's and eating her luscious roommate Patty out. In the dream Marcella walked right by Patty's bedroom door, just looked in nonchalantly (like that would ever happen!) and I just kept on "yodeling in the canyon"! Ah if only some dreams would come true! I woke up in the middle of the night with a stiff dick which I promptly took care of. That's as close as I ever come to having a wet dream.

In another dream just last Saturday night I was going down on Gloria, a girlfriend I had back in my fifties. We were on vacation at Waikiki (where we actually went one summer) and her parents were with her but we were on a secluded beach by ourselves and I was eating her out. Some Hawaiian cops came by and told us we had to stop having sex on the beach or we would be arrested. That's when I woke up. That definitely never happened in real life and I have no idea what triggered that crazy dream. I guess it's related to everything that ever happened in your life and everyone you ever knew...and it all gets scrambled together, sometimes into good dreams and sometimes into nightmares. Immediately after Marcella left me I was having all kinds of dreams about her too but those have pretty much subsided, I suppose because I'm getting over her. It's been Patty, Gloria, long lost loves and even a couple of dreams involving my red headed neighbor Kathy although those have been mainly non sexual so far (damn the bad luck!)

I do miss the cunnilingus almost as much as the fucking and blow jobs that I experienced with Marcella. Maybe that's what is triggering all these oral dreams. I just love to eat pussy! There is something so erotic about burying your face in a warm juicy muff, tasting that nectar and bringing your partner some of the pleasure she brings you. It took me quite a while before I really felt comfortable and competent at eating pussy though. Even though I had my first taste at the age of 16 or 17 with my first girlfriend Vicki (who had one lovely muff!) I really didn't have a clue back then on what to do down there. That was followed by three years of primarily just fucking the whores while I was in the Army and those were not the kind of women you kissed, let alone went down on!

A jail bait sweetie pie in El Paso (where I was stationed in the Army) got me back in the pussy eating game and then I got some more practice with my first wife Margaret. She seemed to sort of enjoy it although she seldom returned the oral favors...and that made me lose interest in spending too much time orally pleasing her. A couple of graphic sex manuals started to educate me in in my early thirties and still more practice with my second wife Julia (who did return the favor!) finally made me proficient (I think!) in the fine art of pussy eating by about my mid thirties. Since then I've had lots of compliments and very few complaints, none that I can remember in fact. Hopefully the women all haven't been faking it. There were a couple of women who just didn't care to be licked down there for whatever reason but they have been the exceptions. Most of the women let me know vocally that I was doing something right down there! Marcella was particularly vocal and I suspect that my condo neighbors are happy that the weekend late night noise factor has decreased substantially since she left me.

Hopefully my days and nights of enjoying the wonderful sport of muff diving aren't over yet. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will be "yodeling" in Kathy's "canyon" before the summer is over. Ah just the thought of licking that red haired (hopefully not shaved...and at her age, I doubt it!) pussy does wonders for my disposition as well as my dong. Red pubic hair has always been a major turn on for me as I think I've mentioned before, although at this stage of my life any color of pubic hair will do! Just let me lick what lies beneath it! On that happy thought I'll close this rambling post for today. Enjoy the week y'all and may all of your dreams be sweet and sexy ones! Bye for now!

Mustang Memories

2007-04-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

I recently read in the paper that the last buildings of the Mustang Ranch, a legendary whorehouse near Reno, Nevada were burned down in a training exercise for the local fire department last month. My days of whoring are long since over but I still felt a bit nostalgic and even sad about the loss of that place. In my younger days, I had some mighty fine (and mighty cheap!) blow jobs there when I was between marriages and relationships and needed the service that only a warm female mouth could provide.

The notorious Mustang Ranch was located just east of Sparks, Nevada (itself just east of Reno). There is actually a tiny community called Mustang and that is the exit off Highway 80 that you took to get to the whorehouse. When I first visited the Mustang in the late 1960's prostitution wasn't really legal in Nevada although it was tolerated in some counties. In 1971 prostitution became legal in the state but only in the individual counties that approved it. Storey County where the Mustang is located was the first county to approve of it and thus the Mustang became the first legal whorehouse in the country in 1971.

My first visit to the Mustang came shortly after my first marriage fizzled out. I was in my late 20's and one horny son-of-a-bitch (yeah I know...I still am!). I'd heard about the legendary Mustang and decided to pay a visit one Saturday night to get a break from my jacking off and to get one of those things that was so missing from my marriage...a blow job! My ex wife Margaret, like a lot of women in those days, apparently believed that blow jobs were something that only whores and sluts did and she may have not been too far wrong back then. Many a young stud and old fart both married and single visited the whores to get what he couldn't get at home. I never got even one BJ during my four year marriage to Margaret, in fact I got very little head even in foreplay. I missed what I had got accustomed to from the whores of Korea, Japan and Mexican border towns in the Army...good old fashioned all American cum-in-mouth sloppy blow jobs! To this day I think those thingies are the closest to Heaven I'll ever come here on Earth! I just love those blow jobs!

I still remember that first visit to the Mustang. There was a high fence around the place, even a guard tower with armed guards on the property. You rang a doorbell at the gate and got buzzed in. Inside the place you were welcomed by a madame and all the young women lined up, sometimes as many as 25 of them. You chose the one that appealed to you. Talk about being a kid in a candy store! I tended to choose the younger "girl next door" types. Your whore of choice took you into her private room and asked you what kind of "party" you wanted. That of course determined the price. You could get the standard fuck, a "half and half" (she would suck you until you were nice and hard and then you would fuck her), a "full french" (my favorite, the cum-in-mouth blow job) or just about anything else your heart and dick desired. Two or more women were also available for the big spenders. Anal sex and kissing were off limits I believe. The price was negotiable. In the late 1960's and early 1970's you could get fucked or get a "half and half" or a full blow job for $15 or $20. I later learned that there was actually a rule in those days that the women had to accept as little as $10 for a fuck or blow job if the customer was about to walk out the door. Of course the women would attempt to get as much as they could for all of their services. $20 seemed reasonable to me and I usually left a $5 tip if they provided good service. Hmmm...is there such a thing as a bad blow job? Some are better than others (no teeth please!) but I can't really remember a bad one!

Before or after the money negotiation stage the Mustang girls would give your pecker an inspection and a thorough wash. If they saw anything wrong with your weenie you had to take a hike and that was a good thing for all concerned. The girls got monthly medical checks too and there really wasn't much chance of catching anything you didn't want at the Mustang. After you had paid your money your lady took it out of the room to deposit it while you took your clothes off. I always preferred that both of us to be completely nude, even for blow jobs. The blow jobs were quite professional, some of the best cock sucking that I've ever experienced in fact and with a "full French" you indeed did get to blast off in the prostitute's mouth. No they didn't swallow but that never made any difference to me with any blow job. Hey if the gals are willing to suck my weenie, I don't care what they do with the resulting jism! The Mustang girls would go spit it out in the sink and then rinse with mouthwash, fresh and ready for their next client who would hopefully now be coming through the gate. You put your clothes on and with a few pleasant words (and usually the awarding of a tip for exceptional services provided) you were on your way out the door unless you wanted to stop at the bar to have a drink or maybe even re-charge your batteries and go back for seconds. Yeah that happened with yours truly a few times!

I made several return trips to the Mustang in my late twenties and my early thirties. Getting married again put an end to those trips of course. When I'm married or in a long term relationship I don't play around with anyone, whores in particular! When that second marriage to Julia ended with a big thud (I caught her cheating) it was back up to the Mustang again. By then (the late 1970's) the price of a full blow job had increased to about $40 but it was still well worth it to get sucked off with no strings attached. Herpes and AIDS had not reared their ugly heads so condoms were still not necessary. One night stands and new casual relationships soon replaced my trips to the Mustang (which was a long way to drive for a blow job by the way!) and I made one only one more trip there sometime in the mid 1980's. By then the price had doubled again. It was now $80-100 for a blow job and the girls didn't seem to want to negotiate. Understandably condoms were now required for both fucking and blow jobs. I decided it just wasn't worth it anymore and went out and jacked off in the parking lot. Easiest $100 I ever saved in my life! The only problem was that on the way home I stopped in Reno and lost my money in the casinos! Looking back it definitely would have been more fun to lose that money at the Mustang! I never went back to the Mustang again. The glory days of cheap cum-in-mouth blow jobs at the Mustang Ranch were gone for good!

The guy who owned and ran the Mustang was a colorful character named Joe Conforte. I met him at the bar one night and found him to be a very nice guy. He even bought me a drink and gave me a token for a free fuck on my next visit! Joe got into some big trouble with the Feds for tax evasion and he skipped the country for Brazil in the late 1990's. As far as I know he's still living the good life down there. The government padlocked his place and sold most of the property to another nearby whorehouse owner to recover some of the taxes Joe owed to Uncle Sam. An addition to the original place remained on the property and that is what went up in flames last month. The Bureau of Land Management intends to restore the land, right by the Truckee River, to it's original state. Thus the era of the Mustang Ranch is now gone forever.

Tens of thousands of horny guys, young and old, must have passed through those Mustang gates. More than a few young guys probably knocked off their first piece of tail there. Single guys, married guys, all ages, all sizes, all races...all looking for a relief from using their right hand to bring themselves off or get what they couldn't get at home. Nevada's system seems like the right way to handle prostitution to me. The girls stay clean and safe with no pimps to steal their money or beat them up. Nothing illegal about the service, no worries about being caught in a police raid for the johns or the whores. No worries for the guys about being mugged or catching the clap (or worse!) or being arrested and seeing your name in the paper and your reputation and personal life ruined. Other countries tolerate and even legalize prostitution but we are too hung up with morals, religion and politics to ever do that here in the USA. Nevada remains the only place in the country where you can legally pay to fuck and that's not in all of the state's counties. For instance there is still no legal screwing for money in the counties where Reno and Las Vegas are located. Of course the illegal variety of whoring is everywhere, in Nevada and throughout the country. No way in hell you are ever going to stop the world's oldest profession!

Like I said before, my whoring days are long over. Too much to worry about nowadays! You may end up with a death sentence! I don't even want to fuck a whore with herpes or AIDS with a condom! I'm not even sure that I could get it up with all of the worry! Of course the same goes for one night stands for me. All part of my ancient history now! I'm clean and I'm going to stay clean! It's either be in a monogamous relationship or stay home and jack off and you can guess which of those options I'll be engaging in this weekend!

If you want to read more about the Mustang Ranch you might check out THIS ARTICLE from Wikepedia. Even though I've always considered any short or long term relationship MUCH more rewarding than going to a prostitute, I look back fondly on those relatively few afternoons and evenings when I walked through those gates of the old Mustang Ranch, wondering what the lineup of poontang would look like today! Rest in peace Mustang Ranch you legendary whorehouse and God bless all the wonderful women who worked there throughout the years. Thanks for the memories...and the blow jobs!

How's My Love Life? Don't Ask!

2007-04-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

Well it's been a month since Marcella left me and I'm doing well. No regrets! The relationship was good while it lasted. I wasn't love, not the stuff that makes good marriages or long term relationships but we liked each other and had lots of fun and lots of great sex which is just what I needed after several years of only having my right hand for sexual relief. I truly believe it was just what Marcy needed too since she had been without a relationship for several years. I knew that it would all come to an end sooner or later and in this case it was sooner. Yeah I do miss the companionship as well as the pussy eating, the fucking and those blow jobs...but there will be more of those in my future...I hope!

Marcy and I hadn't had any contact since the Sunday afternoon she came over to pick up the rest of her "stuff" she left here. That was right after we broke up (which was totally her idea by the way!) During our relationship I used to meet her at the coffee shop (where we first met) a couple of times a week while I was taking a break from my morning walk and she was there for her coffee break from work. Since our parting I've been even avoiding that coffee shop. I felt that meeting, even seeing Marcy there would just make me feel bad knowing that we were not a couple anymore. "Out of sight, out of mind!" has been my philosophy on most broken relationships through the years, especially when I was the one who got rejected! I've found that it's really hard to rekindle old flames. With very few exceptions once it's over it's been over for good in my past relationships. No woman has to worry about me begging them to take me back or harassing them in any manner.

That all being said I decided to call Marcy last Wednesday night and wish her a Happy Birthday and a Happy Easter and just to see how she was doing. She is doing well! She has had several dates with this "Phillip" dude she met at church. He's younger than me (in his forties I think), a Catholic and a Filipino like Marcy. Those are three big pluses in her mind and I do understand that. Marcy will be 39 this week and she deserves to find a compatible, hopefully life long partner. "Filipino Phil" may or not be "Mr. Right" but I am definitely not that character so Marcy needs to look elsewhere for the man of her dreams. I wish her only the best in her new relationship and in her life and I told her just that on the phone. It was a cordial conversation and I'm glad I decided to give her that one final call.

There was however one negative bit of information I learned from our little chat. I asked Marcy how her sweetie pie 30 year old roommate Patty was doing and she excitedly told me that "Phillip" was going to introduce his good buddy, another Filipino close to Patty's age, to her and they were planning on going out on some double dates. It's a good thing we were on the phone and Marcy couldn't see my face drop when she told me that! Damn the bad luck! LOL Given our age difference and her being Marcy's friend and roommate there was really a VERY slim chance that Patty would want to go out with me anyway but those nasty thoughts about slipping the salami to her were still in my mind, at least up until this phone call. I think it's time to just forget about young Patty, except possibly in my jack off fantasies (she was there this past weekend in fact!) No use risking any more rejection at this time in my life. Time to move on! And yet...and yet...I do regret that I didn't catch Patty in the nude at her and Marcy's apartment at least once and that she didn't go to the hot tub place with Marcy and I as we planned that night. What I wouldn't give to gaze on that lovely, naked young body! What I wouldn't give to bury my face and cock in that....oh behave yourself Mike, you horny old bastard! You've got to finish this fucking post before you start jacking off!

That brings me to Kathy, my redhead neighbor and co-director with me on our condo Homeowners Board. Our meeting for March was at her unit (we take turns on homes where we meet) and I did learn a bit more about her, thanks to a brief private chat when our official business meeting was over. She is 48, a few years older than she looks (I was thinking early 40's). She's also just come away from a long term (12 years!) relationship with a live in boyfriend. They split up the first of the year and she says it's over for good but she also said that she is not interested in getting in another relationship for a while. "Shit!" thought the Horny Old Guy!

I still have the feeling that something good will come out of this but it's going to take a while to get to the place where I want to go if you know what I mean and I think you do! I may never get there for that matter but if not I think we can at least be good friends...and in a while hopefully even more! Meanwhile the board voted to put out a monthly newsletter for the homeowners. Since I'm the president and Kathy is secretary, we got elected to do that job. That means we will be getting together in private at least once a month in addition to our monthly meetings with the other directors. We've also begun to exchange humorous e mails with each other. Only time will tell but being a natural born optimist I think that after a few months of being my charming old self (what are you laughing at?) I may be "back in the saddle again" if you know what I mean and I KNOW you do! Whoopee-ti-yi-yo!

If it's not "back in the saddle" with Kathy I'm reasonably sure that it will be with someone else. I may even give that computer match thingy a try. A friend of mine swears by the free ads he has put on something called Craigs List although I have no idea what that is all about. Meanwhile I have to say that I'm enjoying my regained independence, the freedom to do whatever I want 24/7 seven days a week! Even the weekends are no problem anymore. As long as my right hand still works in conjunction with my dong as well as it did when I was a teenager and all those lovely fantasies (Hi Patty!) are still rolling around in my ancient mind, I'll get by okay, thank you! Hey I had three nice jack off sessions this past weekend. Things are definitely back to normal for the Horny Old Guy! Barring any unforeseen developments, this will probably be the last post where I'll ever mention Marcella or Patty. I've bored you people enough with this ill fated soap opera! Have a great week y'all and thanks for reading!

Jacking Off to Kirsten Dunst!

2007-04-05T08:31:00.000-07:00

Well folks it's once again time for the Horny Old Guy to name his Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the Month. All of the babes down in Hollywood are just as nervous as when they are about to announce the nominations for the Academy Award. This month this coveted honor will go to Ms. Kirsten Dunst. I was watching one of those Spiderman flicks the other night and every time sweet Kirsten showed up I was thinking to myself "Wow! I'd sure like to fuck her!" Of course I think that about every actress I see on the screen with the possible exception of Judi Densch (and even Dame Judi looks pretty good after a few glasses of wine! LOL). Since I was looking for a new Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy (which I now need more than ever since my sweetie took a hike!) for the month of April I said to myself "You da' woman Kirsten!"

Kirsten is 25 years old as of just a few days ago (what a nice age!) and has been around for a while. She started acting at the age of 7 in "New York Stories' and has been in such films as "Little Women" and "Marie Antoinette" among many others. I have to confess that I was not aware of her before the Spiderman movies though. Sadly it doesn't appear that she has done any nude scenes in any of her films. Damn the bad luck! Fortunately the paparazzi, those candid photographers of celebrities, caught her coming out of the water while experiencing a major league nip slip, to the delight of us horny young guys and horny old guys all over the world. Thank you Jesus for that stroke of good luck! We can only hope that Ms. Dunst will display some more skin in some of her future roles in movies.

Kirsten is of course a lovely young woman with or without her clothes as these pictures so vividly illustrate. The low cut dresses and other skimpy outfits are more than enough to keep me and my ancient pecker busy on lonely Saturday nights for the rest of the month. As I've said many times before in this ridiculous blog, at my age you have to take your cheap thrills where you can find them! Yup every Saturday night in April the Horny Old Guy will be jackin' off to fantasies of sweet Kristen Dunst! You other horndogs with or without current female companionship are invited to join in the festivities!

I got some discouraging information about the possibility of my dating (among other things!) Marcella's lovely roommate Patty this week. The information came from Marcella herself. The situation with my redhead neighbor Kathy looks a little more promising...but it may take a while to get to the place where I want to go if you know what I mean and I think you do! I'll fill you in on the details regarding the sad state of my current love life in my next post early next week. For now I'll just wish you all a pleasant weekend and as always thanks for reading this nonsense!

Those Good Old Dirty Movies (Part 3)

2007-04-02T11:36:00.000-07:00

So it's the late 1960's and pornography has finally come out from under the counter in the form of ten minute 8mm hardcore fuck films (in glorious color yet!) available in the adult book/sex toy shops in some of America's largest cities. There have been a few police raids and some of the shops' proprietors have been brought up on obscenity charges but for some strange reason the world has not come to an end as the blue noses predicted. Yours truly the Horny Old Guy, always on the cutting edge of smut, has purchased a few of these 8mm one reel wonders to play on his home movie projector to further the enjoyment of his life long "hobby" of compulsive jacking off. The courts generally tend to go easy on the smut peddlers and slowly pornography in the form of 8mm movies and hardcore magazines becomes tolerated if not completely legal in most (but not all) parts of America.

It didn't take long for the smut movie makers and adult theaters to jump on the porn band wagon although some of them faced those same police raids and obscenity prosecutions in the beginning too. For a while in some cities even audiences were being arrested at hardcore screenings! The courts quickly put a stop to that nonsense but there did seem to be a difference in the minds of the censors between selling 8mm. porn films in a sleazy sex shop on skid row and advertising and showing it in theaters along Broadway and on Main Street, at least in the beginning. At first a few small storefront theaters decided to test the water by showing some of those same silent 8mm. porno "loops" that had been available in the sex shops and in the peep shows at the adult video arcades. Then smut producers started distributing similar new material in 16mm, at first as silent films but soon with synchronized sound and music. Documentary films such as "Pornography in Denmark" and explicit sex education films soon followed and were the real beginning of feature length (rather than short) porn in theaters.

I vividly remember the first time I saw hardcore porn in a theater. It was about 1970 and I was visiting San Francisco from Sacramento where I was living at the time. In the afternoon I walked into a little theater called The Screening Room in the Tenderloin area, operated by one of the true pioneers of porn Alex De Renzy. I expected to see the usual full frontal nudity along with simulated sex but was amazed and pleased to see EVERYTHING up there on the big screen in living color. Erections! Cock sucking! Pussy eating! FUCKING! All of the things that make life worth living! There were several short films all made by De Renzy himself I believe and they were really quite good, aside from being totally explicit. They were much better than anything I had ever seen in an adult theater in fact! Hallelujah! My dick was soon hard as a rock and throbbing like crazy. It's amazing that I didn't shoot my wad in my pants! The theater was small and crowded, no way that a gentleman like myself (what are you laughing at?) could whip my dick out and jack it off which is exactly what I felt like doing. When the show was over there was also no way that I could walk down the street with my tent pole sticking out (come to think about it, that might have made me pretty popular in certain sections of San Francisco!) so I slipped into the bathroom of the theater and into a stall and with a few strokes of my right hand gave myself "the mother of all ejaculations", or so it seemed at the time. The next day I read in the San Francisco Chronicle that on that same evening the audience of the theater was arrested (just for being in a place where porn is shown!) along with De Renzy's manager. Whoa dude! That was too close for comfort!

As I mentioned before, the court soon put a stop to arresting audiences but it took a while, several years in fact, in some cities before the proprietors stopped getting hassled and arrested. What you could get away with in San Francisco or New York you definitely couldn't get away with in Peoria or Little Rock! I made several more trips to San Francisco and to the Screening Room and other adult theaters in the city that were rapidly changing over from softcore to hardcore films. Porn had not made it's way to the Sacramento adult theaters in the very beginning but it didn't take long. Soon I could enjoy XXX rated shorts and features in the Colonial, the same theater where I'd seen the first pubic hair/pussy shots a decade earlier. That being a bigger theater gave me room to find a spot away from other patrons and whip it out and jack it off as I enjoyed the show too.

It wasn't only me that was beating my meat in the adult flicks either. Pee Wee Herman was just unlucky when he got caught with his Pee Pee hanging out! If they would have arrested all the dudes that jacked off in adult theaters in those years, there wouldn't have been enough court rooms or jails in the country to hold us all! I'm sure it sounds crude and uncivil to some people (women in particular) but when you get highly aroused and your dick is throbbing...well jacking off is really what porn is made for, in particular if you are by yourself. Those sticky floors at the porn theaters were not caused by Coke my friends! Yup there was LOTS of jerking off in those porno palaces! When you saw guys on the hottest, driest day of the year going into the theaters with coats and raincoats you just knew there was something going on besides watching the movies. Most of us gentlemen put our coats over our laps but once in a while you would see some dude exposing his dong and beating his meat in full view of others. That was not good etiquette and neither was shooting your wad all over the floor. ("Ewwwwww!" say my female readers and I don't blame them!) Gentlemen took some tissue or paper towels from home or from the rest room in the theater to take care of their eruptions and discarded those soiled tissues and towels in the trash cans that were conveniently located in the lobby. I am proud to say that the Horny Young Guy was a gentleman at all times...well almost all of the time anyway!

In the beginning and for the most part all the way through the porn theater era, audiences were almost entirely made up of males as you might expect. The classier theaters did attract some couples, especially in the latter years when the films got better but it was mainly just us guys and our dicks watching those nasty flicks in the dark. I can remember only a few times when I saw unescorted women in the theaters and they were almost always in groups of two or more gals, apparently just curious or attending on a "girls night out" lark. I remember having to zip it up rather quickly one night when a group of giggling babes took seats right behind me. Another time two women sitting near me were apparently more entertained by the gent in front of us (an obvious exhibitionist) who was whacking off without a jacket for cover than what was on the screen. That sucker did have one big dong though! LOL Again these unescorted women, even women with their male partners were rare. For the most part then and now, women just don't care that much about hardcore smut...guess it's sort of like the Three Stooges to them!

The one exception to the no single women rule would be when you would occasionally see an obvious prostitute plying her trade, usually doing quickie hand job or blow job tricks in the dark. This was still pretty rare from my experience but there was one theater in the Sacramento suburbs that was famous for having whores available to give businessmen on a long lunch hour and matinee horndogs like myself a quickie blow job for $20. Yeah I took one of the babes up on her offer one afternoon. Not quite as good as a Mustang Ranch BJ but like they say there is no such thing as a bad blow job! In another suburban theater the whores were out in the parking lot waiting for their "johns" after the show. That was usually a bit too late for me...I'd already shot my wad at least once during the movies!

The hardcore shorts at the adult theaters were soon replaced by feature length porn and by then they didn't need to hide their explicit content in the guise of documentaries like "Pornography in Denmark" and "Man and Wife" any more. I believe the first full length fiction porno feature was one called "Mona", also known as "Mona the Virgin Nymph". It was about a babe who wanted to remain a virgin but was ready, willing and able to suck off her boyfriend or any other male she came in contact with. Damn! Where were the girls like that when I was in high school...or where have they been all of my life for that matter? While Mona was giving all those free blow jobs in public, her mom was letting Mona's boyfriend slip the big salami to her. Mom was an early day MILF I guess! "Mona", made by Bill Osco, was filmed in San Francisco, in fact partly at the Presidio Theater, one of the classier porno houses and in fact one I that I frequented on my trips to the big city. I sure wish I was there the day Mona was looking for a stranger to suck off. Some guys have all the luck!

There was quite a variety of those porn theaters by the way. Some were small storefront joints that had been converted from other retail businesses. Others were former neighborhood theaters (like the Presidio) or even downtown movie palaces that could not survive as mainstream theaters anymore. Some of the theaters were sleazy pits and others were quite luxurious and comfortable. In the peak days of porn we must have had a half dozen porno houses in Sacramento and well over twenty in cities like San Francisco and Los Angeles. There was a whole chain called Pussycat Theaters that I believe went nationwide. At least the Pussycat theaters were numerous and very popular here in the west. By 1972 porn was in every big and medium sized city in the country, even in many small towns. The court battles were all over. Legal movie porn was finally here for good!

The first blockbuster porn film was "Deep Throat" Made in 1972 for $25,000 it reportedly grossed over $600 million dollars in it's theatrical run which lasted for years. It's still making money as one of the most popular DVD porn titles in fact. In it's time "Deep Throat" was the talk of the country. Johnny Carson and Bob Hope were making jokes about it. For the first time celebrities and couples were attending porn flicks, that one in particular. You probably know the story...Linda Lovelace plays a woman who is having problems achieving sexual satisfaction. She goes to a doctor played by Harry Reems who discovers that her clitoris is down in her throat (!). You can guess the solution to her problem which is initially relieved by her going down on the good doctor's big schlong. What a prescription he must have wrote! Linda was able to do sort of a sword swallowing act with cocks and yeah she could eat the whole thing! That novelty made the movie! It looks crude today but "Deep Throat" was the "Gone With the Wind" of the porn world for a while. It was the first porn feature that I ever saw that was in 35mm instead of grainy 16mm and at the time it did look very good up there on the big screen. I'm sure I jacked off during that one too! Ms. Lovelace later claimed that she was abused for years by her hubby Chuck Traynor and forced to do that film and other porn and I don't doubt her word. She will however always be remembered as the star of that film and the most famous cocksucker in history...at least until Monica Lewinsky came along! What a claim to fame! The film itself will be remembered as a phenomenon and a landmark porn film even though it's really not that good. There was much better stuff to come!

The Mitchell Brothers from San Francisco followed the success of "Deep Throat" with their own "Behind the Green Door" which starred Marilyn Chambers, a former model who had posed for the picture on boxes of Ivory Soap. Again that film was a tremendous hit and brought many more couples as well as all of us horny gents into the porn theaters. They followed "Green Door" with one of my all time favorites "Autobiography of a Flea" with luscious Jean Jennings and featuring "Long John" Holmes. This one was based on a classic erotic novel I'd read ten years earlier, never dreaming at the time that I'd see it as an explicit film. "Autobiography of a Flea" was directed by a woman and is beautifully photographed. It has been called "a hardcore 'Barry Lyndon'" and is one of the true porn classics. The Mitchells did several other films, some of them starring Marilyn Chambers, but none of them approached the quality of "Flea". The brothers days of working together in their extensive smut empire came to a sad end when one of them shot and killed the other.

From 1972 to about 1980 was truly "the golden age of movie porn". There were really some entertaining and erotic films made during that time. Of course there were a lot of bombs too but even the bad ones were usually enough to give you a few woodies and a reason to whip the old dong out and give it some exercise if you didn't have your wife or girlfriend with you. Most of the films looked technically as good as the Hollywood product of it's time, in fact were frequently made by moonlighting professional crews. All were in 35mm and color, well photographed and edited with decent musical scores. I looked forward to the new programs (usually double features) opening every Friday. I was a regular at the Pussycat and the other adult theaters in Sacramento, less so after my second marriage began but I never completely stopped going.

There were too many good porn flicks during that era to name them all but I'll mention a few of my favorites. Henry Paris, formerly known as softcore director Radley Metzger, directed some very classy flicks including "The Opening of Misty Beethoven"(above scene, some call this one the best porn film ever made and I wouldn't argue too much there!), "Barbra Broadcast", "Naked Came the Stranger", "The Private Afternoons of Pamela Mann" (another of my favorites) and "Maraschino Cherry". These films were so good they actually played some of the art and repertory movie houses and a new phrase was coined for them and others of their class..."porno chic". Some of Paris's flicks had an S&M scene in them which I could have done without but otherwise they were a great combination of art and smut!

"Debbie Does Dallas" gets criticized for not being that good but I really liked it. Hey Debbie (Bambi Woods, a real ex-Dallas Cheerleader...I think!) was a real babe as were the other young women in the film. The sex scenes were well done and it had a sense of humor about itself. How could you ever forget that shower scene or the babe giving her boyfriend a blow job in the school library (some guys have all the luck!) or Debbie finally getting nailed by her boss Mr. Greenfield in his sporting goods store? I could and do watch that flick again and again. The "Debbie" sequels were unfortunately not very good. Most of them didn't even star Ms. Woods and got pretty ridiculous in the title department about the time they did "Debbie Duz Dishes" (really!)

There was also a series of films about high school and college girls (yes the performers were all of legal age!) that was lots of fun. "Good Girls of Godiva High" and "Fast Times at Ridley High" were two examples of that genre. Good looking young babes and lots of nasty sex...what more could any horny young guy or horny old guy want? Almost as good as a wet dream! There was a live action hardcore version of "Alice in Wonderland" that was a hoot. You haven't lived until you've seen Alice giving the Mad Hatter a blow job! Yeah this Alice was of legal age too. She was played by Kristine DeBell was a real babe and went on to be featured in some legit Hollywood films. Then there was a hardcore version of "Flash Gordon" called "Flesh Gordon" which featured Flesh, Dale Ardor, Dr. Jerkoff and some strange creatures called penisauruses. I love it! I could go on and on...there was definitely lots of good, boner inducing stuff made during that time!

A star system sort of developed. Besides Ms. Lovelace and Ms. Chambers you had Annette Haven, Seka, Georgina Spelvin, Nina Hartley and many others I've long forgotten. The guys in addition to Harry Reems included Eric Edwards, Ron Jeremy (who of course is still around!), John Leslie, Paul Thomas and Long John Holmes who made the rest of us feel totally inadequate every time we looked in the mirror. We really didn't care who the guys were anyway...it was those sexy babes who brought us into the porn flicks and if they wanted to do some lezbo stuff together...well that was okay too! Two babes doing the nasty is better than one!

The beginning of the end for porn in movie theaters was when the Betamax and then the VHS video recorder were introduced in the late 1970's. Some of the first titles ever released on videotape were the porno films mentioned above. "Why go to the movie theater when I can stay home and jack off while watching video?" thought Joe Sixpack. No more sleazy theaters (although they all weren't that way), no more worries about getting caught with your dick hanging out like Pee Wee Herman did. You could even watch the porn flicks with your lady and do some fucking or sucking on the couch or on the floor when you (hopefully) both got turned on. It really made sense and I was one of the first in my Sacramento neighborhood to buy a VCR and some porn tapes to go with it. At the time they were expensive, $40 to $60 a pop (in 1978 dollars...ouch!) Soon you could rent the tapes for a few bucks and you didn't have to buy them anymore. Mom and Pop video stores soon started springing up on almost every corner, most of them featuring an adults only porn section in the back room. There became less and less of a reason to visit the Pussycat Theater or any other adult movie house for most of us.

Above: Some adult theaters helped hasten their own demise by promoting the advantages of video porn with on screen ads like this and selling porn tapes in their lobbies.

Dwindling patronage due to video soon started taking it's toll on the theaters. They began to shutter as fast as they had opened or converted to porn ten years earlier. By the mid 1980's only a few porn theaters remained and most of them were showing VHS projected onto their big screens which looked positively awful. Classy porn shot on 35mm film was a thing of the past. Anybody with a video camera, a motel room, a couple of whores and a stud who could keep it up over ten minutes could and was producing porn. There were soon THOUSANDS of titles produced every year...and none of them very good. Nobody had a big enough share of the market to put any expense or quality into their product. The majority of the budget went into the full color packaging for the tape. The golden age of porn and porn theaters was sadly over just about ten years after it began.

It's now the spring of 2007 and nothing much has changed in the last twenty five years. There is still TONS of porn video out there, now almost entirely on DVD instead of VHS, and the great majority of it still sucks (no pun intended!) There may be some good stuff mixed in with all the shit but I have no idea how or where to find it. If pierced, tattooed, silicone boobed bimbos along with no plot, no dialog except maybe "Fuck me! Fuck me! Cram your big dick up my ass!", no production value...no talent!...is your thing, go for it! If face fucking and making women gag while giving blow jobs turns the modern young stud on or watching four hours of nothing but cum shots does the trick...well it's his life and his choice I suppose. I don't really mean to be too cynical nor am I passing judgement on what others consider erotic. Suffice to say that modern porn is just not to my liking and that is putting it mildly!

I do look back fondly on my days of attending adult movie theaters, both before and during the explicit era. From tits and ass only in burlesque and nudist films in black and white to full hardcore fuck and suck in glorious color on giant wide screens I saw it all and I'm glad I had the opportunity to do so. I'm sure it's an era that the world will never see again. Maybe high definition TV and increased bandwidth on computers will someday usher in a new golden age of quality erotica in our homes although I doubt that I will ever see it. On the positive side for now, many of the films from the golden age of porn (1972-1982) are available on DVD, almost all of them that I've mentioned here in fact. Most porn stores and video rental places don't seem to carry many of them though. You have to search them out and order them off the web. There's something to be said for watching these films in the privacy of your home but I still sometimes miss jacking off to new product at the old Pussycat Theater! Just call me a sentimental old fool! LOL

Oh I've rambled far too long on this subject but with no current female companionship, I have lots of time to babble incoherently at my computer! I mean I can't play with my weenie 24/7, can I? Hmmm...as a teenager I may have come close! Hey if you want to read a much more scholarly and yet very readable essay on the era I've been talking about check out THIS ARTICLE from Time Magazine (of all places!). Thanks again for reading this crap. See you on Thursday with my Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy for the month of April. Yeah I know...you can hardly wait! LOL The balcony (of the old Pussycat Theater) is now closed! Bye Bye!

Those Good Old Dirty Movies (Part 2)

2007-03-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

Continuing my personal recollection of the good old days when you went to your local sleazy adult movie theater to get your cheap sexual thrills instead of slipping a DVD into the player or doing a Google search for "Big Titted Hungarian Midgets Who Take It Up the Pooper"...or whatever turns you on...and NO that is NOT what turns me on! LOL

The only hardcore films available up until almost 1970 were strictly illegal and known as "stag films". Stag films have been around since the beginning of the movies. I believe the earliest one that exists today was made around 1915. Stag films were crudely made black and white silent shorts, usually running 10 to 12 minutes each. As you might suspect there was nothing much to them but 10 or 12 minutes of fucking and sucking. Prostitutes were usually the female stars, along with their johns and other volunteer male studs, some of whom wore "Lone Ranger" type face masks to hide their true identity. Fucking with black socks on seemed to be fairly common in the stag films too. I'm not sure what that was all about unless those dudes wanted to be able to jump into their shoes if the cops showed up!

Among the more famous hardcore stag films was one called "Smart Aleck" which starred the well known stripper Candy Barr (left). It's probably the only one of these flicks that featured a known celebrity although Marilyn Monroe, Barbara Streisand and even Chuck Conners (in a gay stag flick!) have been rumored to have made stag films in their pre-famous days. From all that I've read it really was people who just looked like these stars...but I'm no expert on the subject and this is all from memory. The point is that it was almost all unknowns who starred in these flicks. Another of the more notorious stag films was "Nun's Story" which featured a woman dressed as a nun who is visited by a horny priest who slips his Holy Salami to her. Hmmmm...a horny priest? Where have I heard that before?

Stag films were almost always shown to all male audiences, in private clubs, fraternity houses, whorehouses and other places that men gather without women. These showings were generally known as "smokers", I suspect because most men being smokers back then it rapidly became a smoke filled room. Lots of drinking would probably add to the fun! There were men who would work specific areas or even travel the country with their 16mm projectors and a stash of stag film reels and for a fee would put on a show for their horny male clientele. Remember this was the only way you could view pornographic movies prior to the late sixties, unless you were rich enough to have your own 16mm movie projector and private library of illegal smut.

The films themselves were duplicated time after time and floated around the stag film circuit for decades. Repeat showings combined with normal projector wear and tear caused most prints to eventually be extremely splicy and scratchy, some almost unwatchable. The first stag film (and first porno film) that I ever saw in my life was in a bar/whorehouse in Juarez Mexico when I was in the Army and stationed across the border at El Paso's Fort Bliss. The year was 1961. You paid fifty cents to go upstairs and watch one of these one reel wonders. Hopefully it would get you in the mood to fuck one of the senoritas downstairs. Hey it worked for me although I was usually in the mood for that activity the minute I walked in the door of the bar! Ah yes those were the days! A few years later a friend who owned an adult book store showed me some more stag films from his own private collection. They were all pretty lame then and they look even more lame today. Just like the softcore adult films before the censorship barriers tumbled down, they seem dated and mostly extremely boring. Several collections are available on DVD if you are interested though. They do have some historical value and some are even good for a few laughs which is more than you can say for the more mainstream (legal) softcore features that you saw in theaters in the pre-porno era. I'm glad somebody saved them!

Denmark legalized pornography in 1968 and short films made in that country started being exported around the world though they were still technically illegal in most other countries including the USA. They were in color and with younger, more attractive models and modern settings made the old black and white stag films look like real antiques. They were also available in 8mm and playable on the 8mm home movie projectors that many people had in their own homes. Soon American producers were starting to produce their own porno shorts and market them in the bigger, more liberal cities, such as New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco and also via mail order. There were some attempts to seize and ban the films and prosecute their producers but movie pornography for the masses had finally got it's foot in the door and there was no turning back to the softcore era. President Nixon, the religious fanatics and other blue noses didn't like it but pornographic films were widely available in America and here to stay! "Thank you Jesus!" said Mike, the 28 year old Horny Young Guy whose first marriage had just broken up and who was back to searching for material to help him enjoy his favorite solitary activity, jacking off. Jesus that sounds like me right now doesn't it? Since you still couldn't see real porno in adult theaters I bought a few of those nasty 8mm movie films to run on my home movie projector. They did provide some mighty fine inspiration for jacking off too! I may just dig out that old projector and films this weekend!

Oh by the way, these domestic 8mm color porn flicks introduced American and world wide audiences to the guy pictured at left, who was to become the BIGGEST (in every sense of the word!) male star in porno for the next 15 years...John C. Holmes, also known as Johnny Wadd in his early flicks. He's said to have fucked thousands of women with that humongous dongus. Some guys have all the luck! "Big John" got hung up on drugs and died of AIDS after being a suspect in a bloody murder spree though. On second thought I think I'd rather be me, even with my average sized tally whacker! In his time he was "da man" in adult films though and he got his start in those short, silent porno "loops". They were known as "loops" because in addition to being sold for the home market they were put into coin operated vending machines and placed in peep show arcades. The ends of the films were spliced together and they ran in a continuous "loop". Put in another quarter and you'll see a few more minutes of fucking and sucking. No jacking off in here guys! Yeah right! A handful of quarters in one hand and your dick in the other! Watch out for those sticky floors! I speak from experience folks!

Shit! I didn't intend to dwell on this segment of dirty movies since these things weren't really shown in movie theaters. Oh well, since this is a blog I guess I can ramble off topic as much as I want, huh? I have rambled way too much for today though! I'll get to the golden age of the adult movies sometime next week. As always, thanks for reading this nonsense and have a great weekend!

Those Good Old Dirty Movies (Part 1)

2007-03-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend, with only my right hand and my dick to keep me company, I was thinking about the good old days when I used to frequent the adult movie theaters to get my cheap sexual thrills. Thanks to the wonderful world of video porn (and later internet porn I suppose) those theaters have virtually disappeared from the American scene and frankly I sort of miss them. Between relationships in my ancient past, they always provided a place for me to forget my then current lack of female companionship for a while as I sat in the dark and watched those naked babes up there on the screen and imagined myself slipping the salami to them. I'm old enough to have seen the whole transition from just tits and ass tease (if you were lucky to even see that!) to full hardcore fuck and suck in 35mm wide screen Eastman color! Maybe this personal recollection of mine will bring back a few nostalgic memories for some of you older horndogs and some of you young horndogs may be interested to see what you missed...and I think you really did miss something too! I've talked about the dirty movies before but I think I'll just expand on it a bit since there is not much else going on in my life sexually at the time...well except jacking off of course! That wonderful sport also figures in my story but more about that later on.

Of course I wasn't able to really see any adult movies until I was 18 years of age, except when me and a buddy snuck into a drive in movie to see a double feature of "One Summer of Happiness" and "Garden of Eden" as teenagers. You can read about that little escapade HERE. I was 18 in 1958 and that's when I started hitting the adult theaters regularly. In 1958 little had changed in adult films since the beginning of movies, at least since the beginning of the sound era, and in those puritanical days there was little more to see on the big screen than tits and ass and sometimes you were lucky to even see that. I remember sitting through a boring feature called "They Wear No Clothes" that didn't even have any nudity in it...not a bare tit or a bare butt to be seen! It was about models but they were all fully clothed all through the picture. I guess they didn't wear clothes when they took showers...but you didn't get to see that! Damn the bad luck!

There was a self imposed Hollywood censorship board that kept a tight reign on mainstream (major studio) movies by means of a "motion picture code" ever since the early thirties. No nudity or profanity were allowed and there were strict prohibitions on showing or even mentioning any kind of sexuality. Even married couples had to sleep in separate beds! That code didn't apply to the independent adult film producers but the puritanical society we lived in just would not permit anything more than tits and ass to be shown. Shots of pubic hair or genitals and any kind of explicit sexuality were strictly forbidden by law in every community in the country. Fucking and sucking was out of the question except in those illegal 16mm "stag films" which had also been around since the beginning of the movies. The stag films were totally underground though, mainly shown at men's "smoker" parties. No way would you ever see one of those things in a movie theater in those days. Stag films are a separate subject and I'll write about them some too. For now we are just talking about the films shown in adult theaters.

There were several varieties of the adult films that did make it to the adult theaters and I'm going to use a few movie posters to illustrate what some of those varieties were. The theaters themselves were mainly found in the downtown sections of medium to large cities in the country. Few of these films ever made it to the neighborhood theaters or to the small towns. The first category is the burlesque film. That was as it name implies just a filmed burlesque show, sometimes shot in an actual burlesque theater and sometimes in a studio. The girls would do their strutting around and strip down to G strings and pasties. You rarely even got to see their nipples. Sometimes these films even had those awful baggy pants comedians between the strippers. Looking at these flicks today on DVD they look dreadfully dull. Tempest Storm and Lili St Cyr seemed to be the biggest stars of these things as they were the most well known strippers in the country on stage as well as screen.

Then there were the nudist movies. You always hoped that you would see a few "beaver" (genitals) shots and once in a while you would get a glimpse of the pubic area of a babe but those glimpses were few and far between up until the mid 1960's. You did see naked butts and boobs but that was about it. In those days that was better than nothing! Each scene was carefully composed so that no "pickles or beavers" (as dicks and pussies were known in the adult film business) would be visible. Editing in the studio eliminated any pubic shots that made their way into the raw footage. No way any community standards would allow total nudity even in nudist films back then. Isn't that silly? The "Gone With the Wind" of nudist films was "Garden of Eden" from about 1950, mainly because it was in glorious Eastman color where as the previous nudist films were only in black and white. "Garden of Eden" did have a statuesque female star too who looked mighty fine in the nude. That's the one I saw when we snuck into the drive in movie and it made a BIG impression of me and my young dick. I was disappointed there was no below the waist nudity in that flick though!

There were also many sex dramas and exploitation films dealing with such things as narcotic use and addiction (such as the legendary "Reefer Madness"), adultery, prostitution, unwanted pregnancies (some with graphic scenes of childbirth which shows you how far producers had to go to show some below the waist female skin) and even old hillbilly codgers taking underage brides. These films promised to show you every thing you wanted to see but it was all ballyhoo...you were lucky to see a bare titty or butt or anything remotely sexually arousing in any of them. The city fathers and cops in small and big cities all over the country were just waiting for some local theater to cross the line into full frontal nudity or real sex. Why bother to film it if it was going to get raided and banned in the first city it played in and you could subsequently find yourself in the slammer?

Many a young stud and old fart wandered into one of these flicks hoping that there would be something to turn him on and make him spring a woody but most of the time they left disappointed and with a limp pecker. I was one of those young studs back then and I speak from experience. Not much jacking off in the adult flicks in those days, unlike in the porn days that were to come later. There was just nothing up there on the screen worth jacking off to! That's all the screen erotica there was back then though and the best you could do was settle for those bare tits and butts and hope that you would someday see something more. It beat staying home and watching "I Love Lucy" and "Ozzie and Harriet" I suppose...but not by much!

This repressive censorship policy continued into the early 1960's and then one by one the barriers began to fall. In the early 1960's, even long before Playboy magazine showed pubic hair, some 16mm color films with full frontal nudity, called "beaver films" for obvious reason, began to slip into the theaters that had only played the black and white "tits and ass" variety of pin up film. I still remember slipping into the Colonial Theater in Sacramento back then, expecting to see the usual boring black and white crap and being amazed to see an occasional lovely babe with a hairy pussy pop up on the screen...and in color too! That historic day was the first time I ever jacked off in a movie theater...well at least since I whacked off in the balcony of the Uptown Theater in Napa while watching Marilyn Monroe and Kim Novak as a horny teenager anyway! More accurately it was the first time I ever jacked off in an adult theater.

The blue noses and cops in various communities tried to ban those flicks displaying full frontal nudity and the battle went all the way to the Supreme Court I believe. The courts eventually decreed that total nudity by itself was not obscene! (Duh!) Hallelujah! Soon even the nudist movies were displaying all those previously forbidden "pickles and beavers" in all their naked uncensored glory for the first time. The sex dramas were also free to go full frontal and did so in the mid sixties. By then the "beaver" films had gone one step beyond just showing pubic hair with gynecological views of the female anatomy, not exactly to my taste but I suppose a few inexperienced young guys got educated as to just what is "down there" by watching those films. Think the movie version of Hustler magazine.

The sex dramas and comedies which had begun to switch to color after the amazing success of Russ Meyer's 1960 "The Immoral Mr. Teas" (which was just like Playboy magazine come to life...tits and ass without a plot in full color!) were almost all in color by the mid 1960's. Simulated sex was now also allowed along with the full frontal nudity but explicit sex was still banned. No boners and no penetration of any kind which of course meant no cock sucking, no pussy eating and no real fucking! That was the final censorship barrier which would come down at the very end of the sixties. That's when adult films really started to get good and I'll babble on about that next time!

If you want to see some of these old adult flicks, the good news is that many of the types of films mentioned above are available on DVD, mostly from a cool company called Something Weird Video who scrounged archives and dumpsters alike to save this stuff. The bad news is that most of these things are really dated and boring beyond belief! Except for their historic value, they are almost unwatchable today. I thought they would have some nostalgic effect on me but the ones I've watched failed to hold my interest at all, let alone give me a boner which is the main reason for any of us guys to watch erotica. They never were very good to start with...and they look worse now! Rent 'em if you must but save your money as far as buying them!

Another Dirty Old Man!

2007-03-22T11:40:00.000-07:00

I went to see the movie "Venus" last night. It's star Peter O'Toole is now in his mid 70's and in appearance is a long, long way from the young and ultra handsome Peter O'Toole of "Lawrence of Arabia". It sort of a shock to see him looking so old and so haggard but age catches up with all of us, as I am well aware of by now! All I have to do is look in the mirror for proof of that! "Lawrence" after all was made about forty five years ago. Anyway O'Toole, still a great actor, and in a great performance here, plays this old fart in his mid 70's, a semi-retired famous British actor, a role I'm sure he can relate to. He becomes platonically involved with the grand niece of his best friend, another elderly British actor. The woman's age is 19 in the movie although I believe the actress playing her, Jodie Whittaker, is just a bit older. She is also quite a babe!

It is quite obvious from the script that the O'Toole character would like the relationship to progress to be much more than platonic. Even though he takes tons of pills every day and becomes impotent from a prostate operation, Old Peter would like to get his old peter (among other things!) into that tight young pussy. It sort of reminds you of the relationship between me and Marcella's roommate Patty doesn't it! LOL This old dude is definitely a man after my own heart...although I hope that in just a few years I'm not in the miserable shape that he is in! My health remains very good. No pills for me except for an occasional Viagra to make "Junior" stand at attention for long periods of time and lately I haven't even needed that. My doc says my prostate gland is still looking good too when he gives it his annual "finger wave". (Ouch! Watch it doc! I'm not gay!) I truly believe that all of my jacking off helps...there is evidence of that you know! Knock on wood, I can only hope that my health will remain good for many years...but with increased age come increased problems for all of us, no doubt about that!

When the old gent in the movie is asked by the young woman what parts of her body he thinks about he says something like "Your eyes, your hair, your legs, your butt, (pause), your CUNT!". You da' man Peter! He gets her a job as a nude model for a group of artists and tries to spy on her while she is posing nude. He falls down and crashes into the art studio in a hilarious scene. Later the young woman teases him by letting him cop a feel of her tits and then puts her fingers into her pussy and lets him take a sniff! Whoa! Not too often do we get to see depictions of "stinkfinger" in a major movie huh? Unfortunately for both Peter and us movie goers things don't go much beyond that. Nope, Peter doesn't get to do the nasty with his young "Venus", so nicknamed by him because she resembles Venus de Milo. Damn the bad luck! You do get to see a couple of brief nude shots of Ms. Whittaker (nice butt!) and I can only wish that there were more of those nude scenes...and more sex scenes between the two main characters! The relationship remains mainly platonic and the movie comes to a poignant end. I enjoyed it. It's nice to see an old fart portrayed as someone who still wants to knock off a piece of tail even if in reality he is unable to do so! You may have to search for this movie in art theaters now but it should be available on DVD in a few months. Horny Old Guy gives it a big "thumbs up", if not quite a complete "dicks up"! Check it out people!

Speaking of old farts who want to knock off a piece of tail even if they are unable to, it's time for me to start preparing for another exciting weekend at home in Stockton town without Marcella. The cartoon below gives you a pretty good idea of what that will be like. LOL If you are also alone this weekend, feel free to join in the festivities. Remember the immortal words of Woody Allen, "Don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love!" If you have a partner available, that's even better and I envy you! Have a great weekend!

Back to Weekend Jackin'!

2007-03-19T08:14:00.000-07:00

Ah how times have changed my friends! How the mighty have fallen! Two Sunday mornings ago I was enjoying one of Marcella's ritual Sunday morning blow jobs (our last sexual act together in fact) and this past Sunday morning I was jacking off to the Target Stores lingerie ad (above!) in the Sunday paper. Damn the bad luck! Of course Marcy wasn't here every Sunday morning during our relationship. She sometimes spent the weekend in the Bay Area visiting her parents, especially when her dad was in not very good shape. Those weekends I indeed did resort to jacking off to get me through but I always knew that Marcy would be here the next weekend to satisfy my senior citizen lust. In particular I looked forward to those juicy Sunday morning blow jobs...right before she left me to go to Sunday morning mass. I sure hope the Pope never found out about those blow jobs! I've heard that old dude doesn't even approve of jacking off! LOL

Those Sunday morning blow jobs are apparently gone for a while, at least from Marcy. This second weekend without her wasn't nearly as bad as the first one though. To tell the truth last weekend I had trouble even springing a boner in order to jack off. The jacking off didn't seem all that satisfying either. You know that this was some serious depression folks! This weekend I was back to my usual horny 24/7 self which is a good sign that I'm pretty much over our breakup. One look at those lingerie ads and "Junior" immediately snapped to attention and requested that I take him out and give him some exercise! Hallelujah! Horny Old Guy is back in action! Checking out some porn on the web last night led to a repeat performance of the morning's activity. Say have I ever told you people that I like to jack off?

There's not much else to report here. I've figured out a way to contact Marcy's lovely roommate Patty. Marcy's going to church on Sunday morning is the key. Marcy usually answers the phone at their apartment but since Marcy is at church I should be able to get Patty to answer on Sunday mornings since as far as I know she doesn't go to church. Then again she may be gone somewhere else and I might get their answering machine. It's worth a try, just as suggesting that Patty and I go to lunch sometime is worth a try. I frankly expect that she will say no but there is nothing to lose by asking. I'm going to wait until at least next Sunday to make that phone call though. I don't want Patty to think I'm in too much of a hurry to fuck..I mean date her after her roommate and I broke up. As for Kathy, my redhead neighbor and fellow condo board member, we have a board meeting next week and we'll see what happens there. If she is as friendly as she was at our previous private condo business meeting, I'll be giving her a call too.

For now I'll think I'll take another look at that Target lingerie ad this morning. WOW! What three lovely young women! Which one should I choose as my next fantasy fuck? A difficult choice but the blond on the left is definitely putting the "lead in my pencil" as I gaze at the ad. Even better, how about a foursome? "Junior" just went "BOING!" if you know what I mean and I think you do! With the exception of a sweet blow job or a nice fuck, there is just nothing like a good jack off session to start the morning and the week! Yup I'm back to normal folks! As usual thanks for reading this nonsense and have a great week! Oh by the way did you know that I just love to...oh you know! Bye bye for now!

Where Do I Go From Here?

2007-03-15T08:45:00.000-07:00

Well I'm pretty much over my breakup with Marcella already. It's been a week now and I still think about her quite a bit. I'm sure that come the weekend I'll greatly miss her companionship in general as well as those Saturday night fucking sessions and lovely Sunday morning blow jobs but I'm not one to sit around and mope over relationships gone sour. Life long experience has taught me that when a door closes behind you, in time a few more usually open up for you. I'm truly an optimist at heart! It really feels sort of good to be independent and open to new relationships again! As always my other interests and my frequent masturbation will get me through those lonely nights in the immediate future. One more thing...I felt more than a bit guilty about blogging about Marcy while we were together, also worried that she might stumble onto this thing. There were a few close calls when I was careless about clearing my history on my computer. No more worries about that now and that is a relief.

The nine month relationship with Marcella really was good for me and I'm talking about more than just the fucking and sucking. Her companionship was just what I needed after a long stretch of being alone and with only jacking off and an occasional one night stand for sexual relief. I mean before Marcella my last real relationship ended in my late fifties and I was almost 66 when I met Marcy. You can do the math and see that it had definitely been a while! My blood pressure is now down, I've lost some weight (fucking burns more calories than jacking off I guess!) and I feel much better than I have in years. The relationship with Marcy prompted me to get a long overdue vasectomy so there is no need for condoms now as long as I continue to be careful in otherwise practicing safe sex. No more one night stands or whores for the Horny Old Guy although I actually started that policy long before I met Marcella. I'm clean and I'm gonna stay clean! I'm also waking up more and more with morning wood, something that had become fairly rare before getting involved with Marcy. At my age that's a good thing! I don't even need Viagra that much anymore! Yeah relationships are definitely good for you and I don't want to go through the long dry spell I suffered between the last two. It's time to move on and look for another of those relationship things! Long term would be preferred but short term will do!

The big question is where do I start? Of course Marcy's lovely 30 year old Filipino roommate Patty comes immediately to mind. I've been horny for her ever since Marcy introduced her to me at the beginning of our relationship. I've lost count of the number of times that I've jacked off to her and even fantasized fucking her while I was fucking Marcella (Yeah I know...I'm a BAD boy!) Would I like the chance to really play "Hide the Salami" with Patty? Would I like to find out if she really is a virgin (as Marcy suspects but I doubt)? Would I give about a month's pay just to kiss that soft little butt? Well Hell yeah! However since I'm a realist I really don't think that I have the slightest chance of doing any of that though. Let's face it! I'm 66 years old and Patty is 30. I was amazed when 38 year old Marcella became interested in me. Patty has also shown absolutely no indication that she is romantically attracted to me at all and I don't blame her. At first she seemed to think it was ridiculous that Marcy was even dating an old fart like me. She has warmed to me to some degree and accepts me as a friend I think but I still can't believe she would even entertain the idea of dating or doing the nasty with the Horny Old Guy.

Patty's status of being Marcy's roommate further complicates even considering a relationship with her. I seriously doubt that Patty would want to date (or fuck!) ANY ex boyfriend of her roommate. The two women only have one home phone line too so how do I handle approaching Patty by phone? Marcy seemed to answer that phone almost every time I called. Patty mostly uses her cell phone but I had no need to ever know that number...up until now anyway. If I ever run into Patty by herself at Target or McDonald's or anywhere else in public I might suggest that we go to lunch or dinner. I have nothing to lose by asking but I truly expect that she will turn me down. Patty may just have to remain in my jack off fantasies (sigh)...and believe me I'm going to have some need for some of those things starting about this Saturday night...if not before! Like I said I am a realist and sometimes you have to accept that there are things in life that you just can't have, no matter how much you want them. The more you can accept that, the easier life becomes! And yet...and yet...if that chance at Patty ever comes...

It would probably be more realistic and more worthwhile to pursue Kathy, my lovely redheaded neighbor who got elected along with myself to our condo Board of Directors in January. I would guess that she is in her early to mid 40's, very attractive and very nice. The only thing there is that we've only been together alone just once since we got elected, at my place to update our fellow condo owners' records. We got along very well that night and had some wine and a chat after our official business. By the end of the evening she had given me a throbbing boner which I relieved after she left by jacking off (I know...you're shocked!) The February board meeting was cancelled because there just wasn't anything worth discussing but we have another one scheduled for next week. It will be all five us this time (the whole board) so I probably won't get a chance to cozy up to Kathy. I'm also not even sure that she hasn't got someone else in her life. I rarely see her in the complex since she lives way over on the other side but when I do see her she is always driving alone in her car which is encouraging. Then again she may be married (although she doesn't wear a ring), she may have a boyfriend, she may be a lesbian, or she may just hate horny old guys who want to get in her panties LOL. Lots of unknown elements there! We'll just have to see what happens (if anything!) with Kathy darlin'! I do love redheads though and it would be a treat to bury my face (among other things!) in that delicious red haired muff! Stay tuned for further details. I have a feeling something good could come out of this...but I've been wrong many times before! Only time will tell this time!

I've got a couple other ideas too, including meeting someone through a computer dating site or on something called Craig's List which a buddy of mine swears by. For now I'll just see what happens with Kathy and meanwhile my right hand still works like it did when I was a teenager. Who knows what will happen in the future? Maybe Marcy will call and say she's changed her mind and wants to come back over this weekend and jump my bones again. Maybe Patty will come over, tell me she really is a virgin and request that I put an end that state. Maybe one of my Celebrity Jack Off Fantasies of the Month from Hollywood (Are you there Scarlett, Nicole or Drew?) will drop in on me and give me a mercy fuck. Maybe pigs will fly! LOL In reality I'll stay home and jack off but I've done that many, many times before...and it still works! As always thanks for reading this nonsense folks. I should be completely back to normal (or as normal as I ever get) on Monday. Meanwhile, have a great weekend!

Marcella Says It's Over!

2007-03-12T08:09:00.000-07:00

Well I missed my usual Thursday morning post last week for good reason. No I didn't get caught jacking off in public you silly! The sad truth is that Marcella, the younger Filipino gal that I have been having a relationship with since last June has decided that it's time for her to leave yours truly the Horny Old Guy and move on. I was totally bummed out Thursday morning and really didn't feel like blogging about that or anything else for a few days but now it's about time for me to move on too. Writing about our little breakup will actually be therapeutic...I think!

Being a realist I was reasonably sure that our rather casual older guy-younger woman different races relationship was not going to last forever but I have to say the timing here caught me totally by surprise. I thought things were going extremely well between us and I had no clue that the shit was about to hit the fan. I've seen more than a few of my relationships dissolve (including my two marriages) and I almost always had some clues that something disastrous was about to happen. Not this time! Marcy and I went on our ritual mid week dinner date last Wednesday night. She seemed her usual happy and friendly self at dinner and then still in my car in the parking lot of her apartment complex she gave me the bad news. "We need to talk Mike!" says she, "Oh oh!" says me! The funny thing was that the first thing that came to mind was that she found this fucking blog! That was not the case although the end result of our little talk was probably the same as if she had...no more Marcy and no more nookie for Mikey! Bummer! Shit! Damn the bad luck!

At first Marcy told me that it was because her parents didn't approve of her dating an older Caucasian guy. I already knew that since I met them at Christmas time and it was very apparent that they were not thrilled. Marcy confirmed that to me afterwards but didn't seem too concerned about it at the time. It sort of pissed me off when she told me that was her reason for breaking up at this stage of the game. I said something like "Jesus Christ Marcy! You're almost 39 years old! Isn't it about time you started living your own life! Who cares what your parents think?" She was not thrilled with that response. Then she confessed that there was a second reason. She has met some dude at Church. His name is Phillip and he apparently has three things going for him that I don't. He's younger than me (her age), he's Filipino, and he's Catholic! (Hey I bet I can eat pussy better than him! LOL). She likes him a lot. He's also asked her to lunch. I suggested that we stay together until we see how things work out between her and Filipino Phil but she said she didn't want to date anyone else while she was with me and anyway it's just time for us to part. She was obviously sad about it, actually crying for a bit. It was not an enjoyable experience for either of us...but breakups are almost always like that. I told her to think about it for a while and I'd still be here if she changed her mind. We hugged and kissed and said goodnight and I drove home in a funk which I've been in ever since...at least up until now.

Marcy came by my place Sunday afternoon and picked up a few things she left here, a makeup kit, her toothbrush, a nightie she never wore and the iPod I gave her for Christmas. She said she hasn't changed her mind and I have the feeling that it is indeed over between us. Maybe it's just as well. I think I can speak for both of us when I say that it really wasn't love. We liked each other's company in and out of bed...a lot! We had fun together. Nothing at all wrong with that but you need more than that to live happily ever after. I really didn't have the same feeling for her that I had for my first girlfriend Vicki in high school, my two wives (at least initially), or any of my other long term companions. No way that I could have asked Marcy to marry me and I'm reasonably sure that she would have turned me down if I did. I always knew there would be a day when I would say "Well it was good while it lasted!" and I am pretty sure that day is here!

It did indeed hit me a little harder than I expected it would, probably just because of the surprise factor. I didn't get much sleep the first couple of nights and the weekend was sort of a bummer knowing that Marcy wouldn't be here on any more weekends. Even jacking off a couple of times didn't help that much so you know that I was REALLY bummed out! However experience has taught me that time heals all wounds ...and this was a minor wound for sure. I feel much better this morning, even more so after putting my thoughts in writing. I may do one more post on Marcy but I'm not going to dwell on the breakup for long, in this blog or in my life. It's time to move on for both of us! I'll be back later in the week with more incoherent and hopefully more upbeat babbling. Have a good week y'all!

Ever Been Caught Jacking Off?

2007-03-05T08:16:00.000-08:00

Marcella and I watched the movie "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" on DVD Saturday night. I've always liked that 1982 flick, hard to believe it's 25 years old already. Of course one of the funniest scenes (and one that I can definitely relate to!) is when the character played by Judge Reinhold gets caught jacking off in the bathroom by the babe he is jacking off to. Phoebe Cates (left) is enough to inspire anybody to jack off! I remember one of those "Blue Lagoon" sequels with a lot of her lovely naked young body in it that had me jacking off for a week after I caught it on late night cable TV several years ago. If Marcy wasn't at my side Saturday night, I would most likely have been doing just that even as I watched the DVD! A topless Phoebe is definitely jack off material. What a babe! "Doesn't anybody fucking knock anymore?", the young dude in the movie asks after a shocked Phoebe beats a hasty retreat after seeing what was going on.

That movie got me thinking about the times that I've got caught engaged in my favorite pastime over the years. I actually had an incident similar to the one in the movie when I was about 14 only it was even more embarrassing because it was my younger sister Karen who caught me sitting naked on the toilet enjoying my ritual evening pre-shower jack off session. I forgot to lock the fucking bathroom door and Karen who was 12 or 13 barged right in on me. Quite a shock for her as well as me I suspect as this was back in the innocent 1950's. No internet, no video, no porn to give us the crude visual sex education today's youngsters are bombarded with. Most girls got their first view of a mature erect penis when their boyfriends pulled it out of their pants and most likely asked them to perform some sort of service on it.

Karen hadn't seen my penis since it was just a little weenie and the look on her face told me that my newly developed big, hard, hairy man sized cock was quite a surprise and shock to her. What I was doing with it probably added to the shock. Needless to say I jumped up and closed the door on her but she got a pretty good look. It's pretty hard to hide a throbbing hard on when you are naked! I was worried Karen would tell our mom or make rude remarks in front of the family but she never did. I suppose she told all of her girl friends and they giggled about it though. It seems funny now but definitely not back then! It was in fact the most embarrassing incident of my childhood and teen years. A year or so later Karen and I carried the game of "You show me yours, I'll show you mine!" a little too far. Mutual masturbation in a motel room on a family vacation was the result. You can read about that little escapade RIGHT HERE. That innocent but slightly incestuous experimentation only lasted a couple of nights. It ended abruptly when we got caught naked in our motel room bed (me with a boner!) by our parents on the third morning. In retrospect getting caught was probably a good thing. No telling how far our sex games would have evolved after that. There is no doubt that I would have fucked Karen if she would have let me. That probably wouldn't have been such a good idea back in those days when condoms were almost impossible to get for teenagers and abortions were for all practical purposes illegal. Some more regular hand jobs, better yet a blow job or two from Karen's warm mouth would have been pretty sweet though! I still get hard ons sometimes (like right now!) thinking of what MIGHT have happened between my sis and myself in my horny teen years! Yeah I know...I'm disgusting!

This is a clip from a 1970's sex education film meant to be shown in high schools. I put in a few subtitles to show what young Ricky is really thinking when mom interrupts his morning whackoff and posted it on YouTube. The lesson to be learned here I suppose is to remember to lock the freaking door anytime who want to whip the old weenie out for a little fun. On the other hand there is a time to say "Mom! Will you get the fuck out of here!".

It's a wonder that like young Ricky I didn't get caught jerking off many more times in those horny teenage years. I was jacking off night and day, usually in my bedroom, and I didn't have a lock on my bedroom door. The first thing I did when I got home from school was to go in my room, lay on the bed, unzip my fly, whip out my dick and jack it off, usually fantasizing about some girl at school that I would just love to fuck but didn't have a chance in hell of even dating, let alone fucking. It's truly amazing that my mom or Karen never barged in on me during those hundreds of jack off sessions. My mom did catch me stark naked in the hallway early one morning, heading for the bathroom with some stiff morning wood. I didn't think anybody else in the house was up. Mom thought my stiff weenie was a pretty amusing that time. She was of course not so amused (furious in fact!) when she previously had seen me naked with a boner in that motel room with Karen. I don't remember mom ever catching me jacking off though. I suspect moms would actually understand boys jacking off more than little sisters would. I'm sure that there were a few close calls with both my mom and Karen from time to time. I guess I just lucked out in not being caught more often because I was one jacking off fool back then! Some say I still am one jacking off fool!

Since those teenage years there have been several other times that I got caught with my pants down while practicing my "hobby". Several maids in hotels and motels have entered without knocking while I was either nude or whacking off. I actually found that sort of thing a rush after the first time. Maybe because these are women I don't know there is not the embarrassment I felt when my family caught me in the nude or in the act. A couple of other times me and my ex girlfriends have been caught fucking in motels and hotels which was even more of a rush for me. It's certainly not something that happens often. Most of the times maids knock or don't even bother you while you are in the room...but when they walk right in, I've enjoyed being caught when I was naked or doing something nasty. Maybe I'm just an exhibitionist at heart...but don't confuse me with one of those wackos who waves his weenie to women and children on the street. There is a difference...I think!

I've also been caught a couple of times jacking off in the great outdoors, mainly on nude beaches I used to frequent. Not because I particularly wanted to get caught you understand. Not wanting to offend anyone (or get arrested!) I always chose a secluded part of the beach as do most people who engage in sex at such places. There is always the danger of being caught wherever you jack off outdoors though and I suppose that adds to the excitement and thrill as with any kind of outdoor sex. Once in a while you do get caught and you can only hope that it will be by someone who is open minded and amused rather than outraged...and definitely not by a cop!

My most embarrassing time getting caught jacking off as an adult was one early morning in a laundromat (yes a laundromat!) I'd been turned on by a sexy babe clothes washer in shorts and when she left I discovered a pair of her panties in the dryer she'd used and I was about to use. BOING! Instant boner dude! Nobody else in the joint and it seemed like a good time to have a quickie jack off. I went over behind the last row of washers and whipped the dick out, wrapped the panties around it and went to work. Bad idea! Suddenly a door opens and a middle aged Chinese woman (the owner I think) comes out. She sees what I am doing and the shit hits the fan! Screaming, yelling, threats to call the police! An older Chinese woman, probably her mother, joins the spectacle. Have you ever tried to stuff a stiff cock into tight jeans? I finally succeeded and grabbed my still wet clothes out of the dryer and got the hell out of that place and never went back. All I can tell you is that it (jacking off) seemed like a good idea at the time! You can read all the nasty details of that little fiasco HERE.

You can read more about most of these embarrassing incidents if you check out my index/labels column at right under "caught jacking". I guess the bottom line is that if you jack off as much as I do, you are bound to get caught once in a while. Do any of you other horndogs have any good "caught jackin'" stories to relate. Remember that you can leave comments anonymously if you choose. How about you women? Have you ever been "caught jillin'"? Fess up people! Please tell me that the dude from "Fast Times" and yours truly the Horny Old Guy aren't the only ones who ever got caught jackin' or jillin'! Have a great week y'all...but don't get caught!

Jacking Off to Drew Barrymore!

2007-03-01T08:19:00.000-08:00

Marcella and I went to see the movie "Music and Lyrics" a couple of weeks ago. Marcy has a thing for that Hugh Grant dude and while she was probably fantasizing about playing "Hide the Salami" with him, my ancient dong was throbbing with my own fantasy of slipping the sausage to or being sucked off by the lovely and talented Drew Barrymore who was up there on the big screen with Hugh. As I fucked Marcella later that night I was fantasizing that it was Drew that I had my cock buried deep inside. Marcella was probably fantasizing that it was Hugh on top of her too but that's okay with me. Fantasies while fucking are fun for both partners I think! Anyway I knew that very night that I had a perfect candidate for my March "Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the Month"! Ms. Drew Barrymore you da babe!

Who ever thought that the adorable little girl in Steven Spielberg's "E.T", part of a legendary theatrical family, would grow up to be such a wild and crazy babe? She's had her share of problems with drugs and alcohol, has several tattoos on her lovely body, been nude in at least five movies, taken off her clothes for Playboy magazine and flashed her big boobs to David Letterman on live TV. Definitely my kind of woman! Oh I could do without those tattoos but at my age I can't be too picky! I'll be jerkin' off to Drew for the entire month of March when Marcy ain't around!

I bet this made Dave Letterman's day! Do you think she was asking him if he wanted a blow job after the show? I certainly hope so for his sake! The only bummer was that she had her back to the studio and TV audience! Damn the bad luck!

There's nothing much else to say about Drew baby. I'll just let these pictures speak for themselves. As soon as I get this thing posted, I think I'll get the festivities started if you know what I mean and I think you do! I woke up with some morning wood this morning and at my age you don't let boners or pictures of naked babes go to waste! Have a good weekend y'all! Bye for now!

Those Nasty Cartoon Characters!

2007-02-26T08:35:00.000-08:00

It was a rather cold and rainy weekend in Stockton town, perfect weather for staying home, staying naked and fucking! That's just what Marcella and I did for most of the weekend. We didn't go out for dinner on Saturday night, just called out for pizza instead. Fucking sessions on Saturday afternoon and evening, my now ritual blow job on Sunday morning (Marcella even skipped church afterwards which is rare!) and a final fuck-a-thon Sunday afternoon. I feel so sexually satisfied that I might not jack off for at least 24 hours...well maybe that's going a little too far...but life continues to be very good for the Horny Old Guy! I hope it is for all of you gluttons for punishment (for repeatedly coming back to this silly blog) too!

The picture I used of the Walt Disney character "Goofy" in my last post reminded me about all of the fantasies I used to have as a young lad about cartoon characters having sex. I know it will come as quite a surprise to you that such a fine clean cut elderly Christian gentleman as myself (what are you laughing at?) was such a nasty little boy but I have to admit that is indeed the case. Starting at age 5 or 6, long before puberty, I was trying to get all the little girls (including my sister) to take off their panties and show me their butt and that mysterious crack between their legs. In return I would be glad to show them my stiff little weenie. At the time I had no idea that my weenie and their cracks would fit together so well in just a few short years. When an older kid told me what the word "fuck" meant I was both shocked and aroused. I couldn't believe you had to do that nasty thing to have a baby and that my parents actually engaged in that thing, that they had done so to produce me in fact! At the same time I couldn't wait to try it myself...but that would have to wait until after puberty. The wonderful discovery of jacking off a year or so before I began puberty sort of brought everything together and I wanted to do that nasty thing called fucking even more! Unfortunately none of the local girls had the same desire!

Between thinking nasty thoughts about fucking all those girls in the neighborhood and at school and occasionally watching dogs fuck and envying them, my young but dirty mind soon started having nasty fantasies about all the famous cartoon characters. I loved comic books and the comics in the daily and Sunday newspaper and in my fantasies those characters were always fucking or sucking or engaged in other sex acts.

I pictured Donald Duck getting sucked off by Daisy Duck and Popeye getting a blow job from Olive Oyl. When I went to a Disney movie I could imagine all of the seven dwarfs as well as myself fucking Snow White (she was a babe!) and getting sucked off by her. I fantasized about Peter Pan fucking Wendy and the Mad Hatter fucking Alice. Cinderella got fucked by the Prince (me!) and his big dick fit in her tight pussy just as well as the glass slipper did on her foot. You name the comic character and I had nasty fantasies about them! I even imagined Blondie fucking Dagwood and their kids Alexander and Cookie also doing the nasty with each other! I pictured Dennis the Menace catching his mom and dad fucking and making a smart ass comment. Yup I really had a dirty mind back then...and yeah I know...nothing much has changed!

Remember that there was no pornography of any kind (at least none available to most of us kids), no internet, no cable TV, no sexy videos, not even any nudity of any kind in mainstream movies at the theater way back then. We had to take our cheap thrills where we could find them. We would find a picture of a topless African or Balinese maiden in National Geographic magazine or a topless model in US Camera magazine and we thought we had struck it rich! We could use that as jack off material for months or even years. If you were even more lucky you could find your dad's stash of adult pin up magazines but all you saw there was tits and ass, not that that wasn't enough to put some lead in your pencil. Of course pubic hair and genitals were strictly taboo even in the nudist magazines. The airbrushed out pussies and cocks on the nudists looked mighty strange! It was really the dark ages in finding visual inspiration for jacking off, not that we really needed THAT much inspiration!

I didn't find out until my high school years that there were crude little black and white comic books called "Tijuana Bibles", illegal but available under the counter if you knew where to find them, that indeed showed all of our favorite comic characters fucking and sucking! I sure wish I had them from the beginning of my jerk off years! My fantasies about nasty cartoon characters continued all through my teens and into my twenties. I still get sort of turned on when I find such material on the web in fact.

It's interesting to note that cartoon character sex still seems to be extremely popular on the web. There are tons of nasty toons on line! You can find all of the characters from the old days as well as the recent Disney features ("Beauty and the Beast", "Pocahontas", etc.) slipping the salami to each other. The entire casts of the TV cartoons Flintstones, Jetsons, Simpsons and the Family Guy are engaged in every kind of sexual act known to man or beast. Incest, underage sex and bestiality are definitely not off limits with these cartoon families...actually those taboo subjects were also common in the Tijuana bibles too. If it moved, it got fucked!

That's enough nasty nostalgia for today. I hope you got a chuckle out of some of these XXX rated toons. Am I the only one who used to be and still is goofy and horny enough to fantasize about cartoon character fucking? Maybe you better not answer that! I'll see you later in the week with my Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy for March. I promise it won't be Minnie Mouse! Th...th...that's all folks!

It's a Big Goofy Old World!

2007-02-21T22:37:00.000-08:00

First we had the story of that lovestruck Astro-nut who went chasing a female rival all over the country (wearing diapers so she wouldn't have to stop to pee!) with the probable intention of zapping the rival because she was apparently playing "Hide the Salami!" with her main squeeze, another Air Force (male) pilot. Then Anna Nicole Smith died, the media went bonkers and everybody in the country except me and Pee Wee Herman claimed to be the father of her baby. You think you've finally heard everything but the wacky news continues to roll in. Keep on reading and you'll see what I mean!

I read about this in the New York Times. A much praised children's book called "The Higher Power of Lucky" by Susan Patron is the subject of great controversy because it contains the word "scrotum". The 10 year old heroine of the book hears the word through a hole in the wall when another character says he saw a rattlesnake bite his dog on the scrotum. There is nothing else objectionable in the book which is this year's winner of the Newbery Medal, the most prestigious award in Children's literature. Yet you have all these blue nosed librarians and bible thumpers in an uproar over that one word. It's already been banned from several school libraries across the country. What a crock of shit! Kids hear all the profanity on cable TV, in the movies and in that cultural rot called "hip hop" and at an early age are exposed to the worst kind of smut on the internet and these people are worried about the single use of the word "scrotum" in a wonderful book. This is the biggest much ado about nothing since Janet Jackson's titty slipped out on the Super Bowl halftime show and you would have thought the world was going to come to an end. Oh balls! Oh Nuts! Oh Scrotum!

Then all over the cable news networks the big story from a couple of days ago was that Britney Spears shaved her head bald, possibly to match her bald pussy which she has flashed in public several times. See my previous post "Britney Bares Bald Beaver" HERE for visual evidence of that. That woman continues to prove she is a freaking nut case...and yeah I'd still like to fuck her anyway! I've never fucked a bald headed woman yet! Hell unless I've forgotten something (and I think I'd remember this!) I've never even fucked a bald pussy (the women of my era did not shave down there!), let alone fuck a bald headed woman! Fucking Britney just might be the closest thing to fucking an alien babe from outer space (in mind as well as body). Oops I forgot about the Astro-nut stalker babe! She's still somewhere out there in the Outer Limits!

There is more...I just read that the people of the great state of Alabama are 90 per cent opposed to the law passed in 1998 that outlawed the sale of sex toys in their great state! Well Duh! I suppose Alabama is like most states where you can buy guns on any corner...and yet you can't go into a sex shop and buy a dildo, a vibe or (my personal favorite) an inflatable woman! Regarding that irony one Alabaman quipped "I ain't heard about anyone killed by a vibrating banana yet!" Ah the power of those right wing religious fanatic crackers! No wonder the citizens are pissed! Please remind me NEVER to move to Alabama, not that I ever had any intention to! Not to pick on Alabama too much, I believe Mississippi has a similar fucked up sex toy law!

And finally...the Air Force has removed from active duty and demoted that lovely female staff sergeant Michelle Manhart (above and left) who posed in the nude for Playboy! I wonder what bone headed, brain dead general made that stupid decision! You can lay your life on the line for your country including possibly getting killed in an unnecessary war but you can't take your clothes off for some tasteful nude photographs in Playboy magazine! God help us if some young stud or old fart (like me!) is jacking off to her pictures! Yo General Dickhead! FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! (I've wanted to say that to a general ever since I was an Army private almost 50 years ago! "Sir" my ass!) Ms. Manhart you're a babe and we love you! We thank you for your service to your country and for having the decency to take your clothes off for us horndogs of all ages! You definitely got a "rise" out of the Horny Old Guy if you know what I mean and I think you do! Both me and my dong salute you darlin'!

Yup it's a big goofy old world folks! This goofy blog is just one more example of that and as always I thank you for reading this nonsense! Enjoy the rest of the week and the weekend! Try not to do anything as goofy as the dude on the slide in the cartoon below! LOL I shall return on Monday, hopefully pussy whipped since Marcella will be here for the weekend! Bye for now!

Jackin' and Jailbait!

2007-02-19T08:26:00.000-08:00

"She was fifteen years old, going on thirty-five, Doc, and she told me she was eighteen, she was very willing, I practically had to take to sewing my pants shut. Between you and me, uh, she might have been fifteen, but when you get that little red beaver right up there in front of you, I don't think it's crazy at all and I don't think you do either. No man alive could resist that, and that's why I got into jail to begin with."...McMurphy (portrayed in the film by Jack Nicholson) in Ken Kesey's great novel "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest".

I was walking through the mall on Saturday afternoon and gazing at all of those lovely high school and college aged young women in their tight jeans, bare midriffs and low cut tops. Like I've said many times before I was just born fifty fucking years too soon! Yeah I am well aware that many of these young women are definitely in the category of "jail bait" which means that they are under 18 and it's illegal to "slip the salami" to them in most parts of the country. You think of that old saying "16 will get you 20!" which means fool around with an underage girl and you will probably find your ass in the slammer for a long, long time! That's probably as it should be. I'm certainly not advocating sexual affairs between old farts and underage babes. And yet...and yet...those nubile young babes are sooooo lovely to gaze upon and even have masturbatory fantasies about. I think as long as you look but don't touch it's perfectly legal and perfectly okay!

It's hardly rocket science that young women don't suddenly become attractive and sexually desirable at the magic age of 18. Beginning about the time they have completed the transition to puberty (we're talking boobs and bushes, not prepubescent!) they are quite lovely creatures indeed. These lovely young women have been the subject of artists and writers since the beginning of time. They have also been giving us guys of all ages hard ons all during the same time span right down to present day. Is anybody going to tell me that a sexually mature 15 or 16 year old young woman is not a lovely and erotic sight? Sorry but I just don't buy that bullshit! Hey they look good to us as teenagers and they look good to us all of our lives. Again I am not advocating getting involved with these young women, as lovely as they may be, and I'm certainly against any sort of exploitation of them through molestation, prostitution or pornography. I just think that their beauty and sex appeal is something that can be and should be recognized and acknowledged at a distance without you being labeled a pervert.

Yeah I'll admit it! I jacked off on Saturday night to fantasies about some of that sweet young jail bait I ogled in the mall Saturday afternoon. Marcella was out of town and I was lonely and horny and it was Saturday night! I ask you...what's a horny old guy to do? Of course I could have jacked off to fantasies about Marcella but by now...well it's like that old saying about when he have beef every night, even if you love beef, sometimes you get a desire for chicken! Unfortunately I haven't been getting enough "beef" from Marcella lately but that's another story! I also could have jacked off to fantasies about Marcy's sweetie pie roommate Patty or my new redhead neighbor Kathy too I guess. Oh fuck it! The sight of those sweet young things in the mall was still fresh in my mind and I jacked off to fantasies about them. There was one in particular, sitting across from me in the food court. She was 15 or 16 I suppose, with an angelic face, blond hair, blue eyes and displaying just enough cleavage to give me a hard on right then and there. In my fantasies on Saturday night I felt and sucked on those firm young tits, she sucked on my cock and I licked and fucked that tight young pussy as I jacked off...and furthermore I really don't see anything wrong with it! If others do...well so be it!

In the current movie "Little Miss Sunshine" Alan Arkin plays a randy grandfather who strongly advises his grandson to get some of that young poontang while he is still underage and it's legal for the one and only time in his life. I couldn't agree more with old gramps! One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't try harder to get myself some more of that tight young stuff when I was still young stuff myself. An older woman named Barbara introduced me to the wonderful world of fucking when I was just 13 but then I went through a long "dry spell" (except for jacking off of course!) until I met my first real girlfriend Vicki as a junior in high school...and it took a long time to get into Vicki's panties! If I had it to do all over again I definitely would have found myself another young sweetie, hopefully several young sweeties, to play "Hide the Salami" with during those young and horny years prior to getting involved with Vicki You don't realize how good some things are until the time has passed for you to get them. At least get them legally! Damn the bad luck!

I fully realize that at my age the thought of having a sexual relationship with a very young woman is totally ludicrous! It just ain't gonna happen and I know it! I'm more than old enough to be their freaking grandfather. I can hear their "Ewwwwwwww!"'s right now! When I was MUCH younger I'll admit that I had a little of that illegal but tight and sweet jail bait poontang but those times were few and far between. I could have gotten in some serious trouble and I certainly did worry about my indiscretions afterwards. In retrospect I was young and stupid and should have resisted temptation and avoided those encounters. It's like another old saying though..."a stiff dick has no conscience!" Truer words were never spoken my friends!

I think of that time when I first got out of the Army at age 21 and met a high school aged sweetie at a drive in movie in Napa and later fucked her without a condom! on the grass in a city park. Talk about living dangerously...but oh did that tight young pussy feel good! Then there was that hippie hitchhiker I picked up on the road to Reno back in my thirties...three days of pure XXX rated ecstasy, the stuff wet dreams are made of, but it also could have got me in some BIG trouble! Yup I should have kept it zipped that time too! That last little escapade was over 30 years ago and I'm happy to say it was the last time I indulged in illegal nookie, quite possibly because it was the last time I had any offered to me...which is probably a good thing since I have no desire to land in the slammer at this stage or at any stage in my life! If you don't have the temptation in your face, you usually stay out of trouble! I still discretely look (rather than stare) at the young stuff and still get turned on though...and at times I still jack off to fantasies about these lovely young babes. I suspect I have lots of company too. That's just one of the things us guys do, at least most of us guys! The sad truth is that the older we get the better that young stuff looks, not that it didn't look mighty fine when we were younger you understand. It just looks better now (sigh)!

I suppose that some reading this will be outraged and brand me a "dirty old man" or perv for even writing about this somewhat taboo subject...and that's okay. My whole premise is that it's okay to recognize that the sexual desirability of women (or men for that matter!) doesn't start at the magic age of 18 and it's okay for us guys to look at and fantasize about those nubile young women but for our own good and for their own good...we should keep our distance...just look but don't touch! What you fantasize about and masturbate over is your own fucking business! It's as simple as that in my most humble and ancient opinion! That's about all I have to say or will ever have to say on the subject of "jail bait"! Enjoy the President's Day holiday and the week y'all! Do you think Washington and Lincoln were as horny as I am? Bill Clinton? No contest there, Bubba has got me beat! You da man Bubba! Bye bye for now!

About Vanna White and Cherry Poptart!

2007-02-15T08:16:00.000-08:00

The variety of nasty thoughts and erotic fantasies that enter the mind of yours truly the Horny Old Guy on any given day are truly amazing! Marcella came back to my place after dinner last night and gave me some Valentine's Day loving...a rare mid week suck and fuck session for us since the only time we normally play "Hide the Salami" is on weekends (her idea, not mine!) This weekend she will be out of town to visit her parents so this mid week fuck night was just what I needed to get me through the coming 10 day "dry spell". What I am getting at about the fantasies is that before we even went in the bedroom we were sitting on the couch watching that "Wheel of Fortune" game show (Marcy loves it, I can't stand it!) on TV and I was fantasizing about how much I'd still like to fuck Vanna White.

Vanna is a real babe! I distinctly remember watching "Wheel of Fortune" during the 1980's and 1990's just to ogle Vanna and imagine what it would be like to perform every imaginable sex act on her. Fuck that Pat Sajak guy and all those goofy contestants! I'm sure that quite often I whipped my dick out and jacked it off while I fantasized about burying my face and dick in Vanna's sweet young muff. When Playboy published some semi-nude shots Vanna did before she started turning numbers, I thought I had died and gone to heaven! That cum stained issue of Playboy made many a trip to the bathroom and the bedroom with me. Ah that lovely set of rather large (and natural I do believe!) tits! Ah that soft, round, luscious, lickable looking butt! Ah that dark haired bush you could just barely see under the lingerie! Ah the hard on I'm getting right now just thinking of the lovely Vanna! God bless you Vanna White! You've given this old fart many a hard on over the years and I thank you for that! You're turning 50 this Sunday February 18 and I'd still like to fuck you! Oh by the way Happy Birthday darlin'!

After Marcella went home about 11 o'clock last night I saw a commercial on TV for Kellogg's Pop Tarts and I immediately started thinking about the cartoon character "Cherry Poptart". I think I still have a couple of those nasty comic books in my closet somewhere. Cherry was the title character in a hardcore comic book from the 1980's. The comic was sort of an XXX rated version of the old Archie comics (remember Archie and Jughead and Betty and Veronica? I used to fantasize fucking Betty and Veronica too!) Cherry was the kind of girlfriend all of us guys wish we all had back in high school...always ready and willing to fuck or suck you off in the car...and she swallowed! There was actually some talk about making a movie of the series if I remember (Cherry was 18 and legal!) but that deal must have fell through, damn it! Cherry's mom was a real babe and a sex maniac too, a "MILF" (Mother I'd Like to Fuck) before that slang term was even invented. Yeah Cherry was the stuff wet dreams were made of! Every teenage boy should have a Cherry Poptart in his life and from what I've been reading that just may indeed be just the case in our current society. Like I've said many times before, I was born 50 fucking years too soon!

Here's the ever popular Cherry Poptart doing what she does best!

Then this morning I go out for my walk and stop in at the Walgreen's drug store and spot the cutie pie clerk Amanda at the cash register. In contrast to my dark haired beauty Marcella, Amanda is blond, blue eyed with pale white skin, 18 to 21 years of age I would guess, a youthful, perfect figure, the "girl next door" type of my youth...and she looks absolutely good enough to eat, which among other things is just what I fantasize doing to her as I stand in her line. BOING! Boner time in the drug store and I don't need no Viagra today, thank you! If I was just 50 years younger...I still wouldn't probably have a chance in hell! LOL

Why am I telling you nice people all of this stuff? As usual I have no fucking idea except that it may explain why I am such a horny old fart and a compulsive masturbator (as if you already didn't know that!) at the ripe old age of 66. It's also all that I could think of to write about on this beautiful morning in Northern California. My condolences to you people who are snowed in in other parts of the USA and Canada. Think positive...cold nights are great for fucking! They ain't even bad for masturbation! Thanks for reading this nonsense and enjoy the weekend y'all!

Goodbye Anna Nicole Smith!

2007-02-12T08:21:00.000-08:00

First of all this morning I would like to publicly announce that I am NOT the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby...unless it's now possible to impregnate a woman by jacking off to her picture in Playboy magazine. I do have to plead guilty to that offense! She was indeed a babe but a rather empty headed and untalented one in my most humble and ancient opinion. She was a gold digger too and anyone who thinks she married that old rich codger for love probably still thinks O.J. is innocent. She apparently wanted to be another Marilyn Monroe but she was missing just one element that Marilyn had...talent! I think the media paid way too much attention to her life and her passing but in this celebrity crazed culture I guess that's the kind of news people like to dwell on day and night. The story off a small town girl from Texas who wanted to be a star definitely had a tragic conclusion and I suppose I'm being a bit hard on her but that story just didn't belong on the front page or on CNN 24/7. Rest in peace Anna Nicole Smith...but frankly you should have stayed in Texas where you probably would have been much happier and lived longer!

Marcella spent the weekend with me again so I have nothing sexually to complain about this morning. Being pussy whipped is a great way to start the new week, at my age or any age! Next weekend Marcy is going to her parents house in the Bay Area so it will be back to jacking off. I wish I could get Marcy to give me a little mid week sexual relief but it's like pulling teeth trying to get laid or even a blow job from her except on weekends. We usually go out for dinner on Wednesday night but she always wants to get right back to her apartment with the excuse that she has to get up for work early Thursday morning. No way I can get her to screw in her apartment either with her roommate Patty in the next room. That would be a big turn on for me but Marcy won't go for it. She says her orgasms make too much noise and she may have a point there. My condo neighbors must sometimes wonder what this old fart is doing over here! A mid week fuck or blow job would still be a treat though, at her place, at my place, in the car...anywhere! Oh well...as always my right hand gets me through the week!

Wednesday is of course Valentine's Day. It's been some years since I've been in a relationship so it seems strange having to go out and buy a mushy card, flowers and candy which is what I suspect I better do if I want to get laid even on weekends from now on. Frankly I thought that Valentine's Day shopping was over for good for me. We'll go out to eat at Marcy's favorite Thai restaurant too. After that, maybe I will get lucky...or maybe I won't! I asked Marcy again this weekend if she wanted to move in with me and she told me no again. It was for the same reasons as the last time...her parents wouldn't approve and Patty needs her to share the rent. I think Marcy views our relationship as strictly casual and that's okay with me. I think we're both pretty much on the same page. As much as I like her companionship and the sex, I still value my independence and my solitude too. Once again there was a sigh of relief on my part when she said no to my offer.

That's about all for this morning. I hope you all have a wonderful week and Valentine's Day with your sweeties! If you aren't fortunate enough to have a significant other at this time in your life, free free to make love to yourself! Hey that has worked for me on many a Valentine's day and on many other days and nights throughout the year. Remember the immortal words of that great sage Woody Allen..."Don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love!" Truer words were never spoken my friends! See you later on in the week!

Fatal Attraction From Outer Space!

2007-02-08T08:08:00.000-08:00

After my last post entitled "A Stiff Dick Has No Conscience!", I was tempted to call this one "A Wet Pussy Has No Conscience!" but being the refined gentleman that I am I resisted that temptation. Another old saying "Hell has no fury like a woman scorned!" might be more appropriate and is certainly in better taste. I have to admit that this story does fascinate me! Of course I'm talking about the strange case of Astronaut Lisa Nowak who, in a fit of jealousy or insanity, drove 950 miles from Houston to Orlando to confront Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman who she thought was doing the nasty with Bill Oefelein another Astronaut who she herself apparently had a big crush on. Lisa wore adult diapers on her little escapade so she wouldn't have to stop to take a pee along the way (!) and brought along with her a knife, a mallet, some rubber tubing, a loaded BB gun and some pepper spray (what no foot long dildo?). She was wearing a wig and a disguise and registered at a hotel in Orlando under a phony name.

Ms. Nowak confronted Captain Shipman in the airport parking lot, tried to get into her car and finally sprayed pepper spray through the window. Fortunately the Captain was able to drive off and call the police and the love struck dingbat from outer space was arrested. Her lawyer says she only wanted to TALK to the Captain. Yeah right! O.J. is innocent too! What the hell would cause a lovely, supposedly extremely intelligent Astronaut, part of "the cream of the crop" of Air Force pilots, who recently was part of a space mission (now there's a scary thought!) turn into a love struck raging maniac? All I can think of is that that Bill Oefelein dude must have a very big dick or really know how to eat pussy! Remind me never to get involved with that babe (like she would be knocking on my door huh?). A very strange story and one I'm sure that the NASA honchos would like to just go away! Me thinks we will be hearing about it for quite a while though! Ms. Nowak is free on bail which is another scary thought! Lisa darlin' if I've said anything at all to offend you, please don't start driving out towards Stockton!

On the same day in our local paper I read about another woman scorned right in our own back yard, just down the valley from Stockton. It seems that this 50 year old gal named Angela pictured at left (WHOA Dude! I don't think she'll be in any of my wet dreams or jack off fantasies anytime soon!) not only hired a guy to kill her ex hubby but also put a put a soft drink can full of wasps in his pickup truck. Hubby is allergic to wasps and barely escaped being stung to death after he turned his heater on and the wasps attacked! The hit man spilled the beans and Angela is now in jail waiting trial on attempted murder charges. I guess that will teach the old man not to call the old lady ugly...or maybe Angela just wasn't getting the orgasms she thought she deserved!

After reading about these two wackos I feel fortunate to have my Marcella, an easy going, sane woman for a girlfriend. Of course if she ever finds out about this blog or my lust for her roommate Patty, that could all change in a flash! I better just be on my best behavior from now on! Marcy darlin' if you ever find this blog, please forgive me or at least will you please hold the wasps when you come after me? Thank you baby! Thank you all for reading this silly blog! Enjoy the weekend!

A Stiff Dick Has No Conscience!

2007-02-05T08:09:00.000-08:00

No I'm not talking about my own dick here! Believe it or not my dick actually does have a conscience...sort of! Oh it's got me in some trouble more than once over the years but with age comes a little wisdom and now with the help of my aged brain the little fellow knows where he is supposed to go and what he is supposed to do...well most of the time anyway! I do however remember the first time I heard that old saying "A stiff dick has no conscience!". My dad was chatting with his neighbor out in the back yard and used it while whispering about a guy at his workplace, a married man who had apparently knocked up the family babysitter. Both my dad and our neighbor seemed to think that old saying as it applied to the situation was was hilariously funny. I was only about ten years old but having experienced many a pre-puberty boner, I somewhat figured out what that they were talking about. After I went through puberty a couple of years later I began to realize that truer words were never spoken!

What brought this old saying to mind was the scandal of San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom getting caught with his pants down...fucking his best friend's wife in fact! We are about 80 miles from San Francisco (Sin City) here in Stockton but it was on the front page of our local paper and probably on the front page of papers around the country. It seems that his honor's best friend Alex Tourk was working for him (now there's a big surprise is politics!) and Alex's sexy young wife Ruby Rippey-Tourk was also working for him as his appointments secretary. The mayor and the friend's wifey couldn't resist each other and Gavin was soon slipping the mayoral salami to his buddy's wife! Ruby confessed to hubby and a major league scandal was the result. Gavin has admitted it's all true and his political ambitions may have just been flushed down the toilet. He was one of the young up and comers in Democratic politics, handsome, bright and charismatic, possibly a future governor, senator or even president...up until now! Now the pundits seem to think that he will be probably still get re-elected in San Francisco but that's most likely the end of the political trail. Only time will tell if that's true or not but I think it is.

Looking at Ruby I can sort of understand what made old Gavin do it. Hell I would love to fuck her too! She's a babe! And yet...and yet...she was his best friend's freaking wife!!! Sometimes it's best just to leave things in the fantasy stage...just go home and jack off while you imagine yourself eating and fucking and being sucked off by that most tempting object of your desire. That works for me with Marcella luscious roommate Patty. I would just love to bury my face and my cock in that sweet, tight young muff...but it just ain't gonna happen, even if I get the chance (highly unlikely!) as long as me and Marcella are a couple. I sure do have some nice jack off fantasies about Patty though! Gavin should have done the same thing with Ruby baby and he wouldn't be in such deep shit now!

Of course Gavin wasn't the first politician to get caught with his pants down and doing the nasty with someone he shouldn't have. Ted Kennedy was most likely out for some stray poontang on that fateful night which ended his presidential hopes for good. It's well known that his brother John F. Kennedy (and maybe Bobby too!) was boning Marilyn Monroe. (Hey how about those horny Kennedys!) Everybody's favorite horndog Bill Clinton couldn't resist Monica when she was on her knees, ready and willing to suck on "the first pecker". It's hard to blame Bubba too much for that either. How would you like to be married to Hillary? Besides it's hard to pass up a free blow job...but I think even Bubba would agree that he should have done just that! Not to pick strictly on the Democrats (I'm one of them!), even old Ike was getting some stray pussy while overseas during World War II. Nixon? Nah, I doubt he even jacked off! Same goes for that junior Bush dude in the White House now! There have been numerous other scandals, straight and gay, involving members of both parties in American politics, more than ever recently but now it's just harder to stop them from becoming public knowledge.

This scandal just seems a bit worse because it was in fact Gavin's best friend's wife. I read that women are actually more forgiving in this case (maybe because Gavin is a hunk!) but men generally think that it's a major violation of "the guy code". You just don't fuck your best friend's wife...period! I tend to agree with this train of thought myself. Gavin you silly son-of-a-bitch you made a BIG mistake and you deserve to pay for it! Next time just go home and jack off! I mean with your good looks, power and money (he's rich!) it's not like you can't get laid! I suspect that even being straight in San Francisco is an added advantage! Shame on you, you horny young whippersnapper! (End of editorial!)

Oh by the way, Gavin was previously married to the lovely Kimberly Guilfoyle, an ex San Francisco prosecuting attorney who became a legal analyst for the Fox News network. Talk about a babe! I've seriously considered giving Kimberly one of my coveted "Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the Month" awards. Don't you just love those big beautiful lips and don't you just know where I would love to have them placed right now? Gavin was going through the divorce when he started boning Ruby. I guess he was suffering from a bad case of "lack-a-nookie disease" which I've had many times in my life myself...but it's still no excuse for what he did...and I expect he would agree right about now. That was one expensive price Gavin will pay for some stray pussy! Yeah I know...a stiff dick has no conscience!

An added thought...wouldn't it have been better for all concerned if Ruby just kept her mouth shut about the affair? If you fuck or suck someone you shouldn't do you really have to tell the whole world about it? I mean her marriage is probably as ruined now as much as Gavin's political aspirations. God knows I haven't told Marcella every crazy sexual thing I've done in my life, including writing about our sex life in this crazy blog! Some very personal things are just better left unsaid in my most humble and ancient opinion!

I got considerable use of my own stiff dick this weekend thanks to my sweetie Marcella who spent the entire weekend here, except for a brief break to go to church on Sunday morning after my ritual Sunday morning blow job. Now you can bet Marcy didn't tell her priest about that...not that I would care if she did! All that weekend poontang should insure that my dong will behave itself with a clear conscience until next weekend. If I have to (and I probably will!) I can take the old pecker out and give it a little private exercise but it won't be going any place it shouldn't, unless possibly one of my "Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the Month" babes or one of my groupies (LOL) or Patty (sigh) comes to my door. Hey have a good week y'all and you guys all remember that old saying! That goes for you Bi Rob up there in the frozen north too! Bye bye for now!

Jacking Off to Kate Winslet!

2007-02-01T08:14:00.000-08:00

Another new month and it's once again time for the Horny Old Guy to name his "Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the Month". I am proud to announce that during the month of February I will be jacking off to the lovely and talented Ms. Kate Winslet who I have been in lust with every since I saw "Titanic". That three hour flick was pretty boring for me until the ship started sinking except when sweet Katie took off her clothes (below) to be painted in the nude by that lucky Leonardo De Caprio dude, both me and my dick sprung immediately to life! What a babe! Hey she's got red hair too! What more could yours truly, the Horny Old Guy who is still suffering from "redhead fever" (see my two previous posts), want as his jack off inspiration for the month? Life is good when you are jerkin' off to Kate!

Ever since she began her career Kate has been ready and willing to take off her clothes if the role calls for it...and happily for us horny guys, young and old, the role seems to frequently call for it! She has no reservations about full frontal nudity either or letting her leading man suck on one of her lovely big titties (some guys have all the luck!) Yeah Kate is my kind of woman and instead of talking about her I think I'll just let these pictures below speak for themselves. I have no idea what movies these frames came from but I want to see them all!

Doesn't Kate have a nice butt? Now to get back to my real world...Marcella is coming over for the weekend. Her period is over and hopefully she is as ready for some fuckin' and suckin' as I am. No nookie last weekend, that case of "redhead fever" and just looking at these pictures of Kate has made me as horny as Bill Clinton was when Monica Lewinsky got on her knees. At my age that is not a bad thing. I don't think I'll be needing any Viagra this weekend! I hope you all have as good a weekend as I hope to! See you back here on Monday!

Love Those Redheads!

2007-01-29T08:39:00.000-08:00

Ever since I met Kathy, a lovely 40 something redheaded neighbor in my condo complex who is serving on the condo association Board of Directors with me, I've had a bad case of "redhead fever". Kathy was over to my place for some official business last week and I got the immediate urge to jump her bones. Of course being a true gentleman (really!) I resisted the temptation to even attempt to do that and I probably would been properly rebuffed anyway! However I've since had several jack off sessions with Kathy as my fantasy fuck. She has been taking the place of Marcella's roommate Patty in my fantasies so you know this is some serious shit folks!

Marcy was on her period this weekend with her usual non interest in sex during that time so I've had more than my usual need for fantasies and relief from my right hand to get me through the weekend. Marcy didn't even stay over Saturday night and the best I could talk her into on Saturday was a hand job...so Kathy has had to take up the slack! The silly part is that I don't even know if Kathy is married or has a boyfriend or has any interest in me...not that that's really important when you are jacking off! I sure would like to fuck her though!

I've had a number of lovely redheads in my life. Barbara the older woman who introduced me to the wonderful world of sex when I was only 13 had red hair as did Julia my second wife and Pat, a sweet Irish gal I lived with for a long time in my 50's, maybe the love of my life. It's not that I don't love blonds or brunettes you understand. Marcella has dark black hair like most Filipinos and she is very attractive to me. It's just that redheads have always had an extra special appeal for me. Red pubic hair in particular drives me fucking wild! I love freckles too!

As I looked at Kathy's red hair and red eyebrows last week, I couldn't help visualizing that lovely mound of red hair between her legs and the luscious place I'd so love to put my mouth and cock beneath the hair. It didn't take long for her to make me spring a boner even as we were doing our boring work of updating our homeowner data files into the computer. When she left, I couldn't wait to get in bed, whip my dick out and jack it off which is a sure sign that I'm coming down with a serious case of "redhead fever".

A few pictures can say a thousand words and these that I've posted here may help you understand why redheads drive me and many other guys wild with lust! Just looking at these pics has made "Junior" spring to life again and I may have to jack off again this morning to relieve the fever...in fact I know I will! I will be back later in the week after my fever has subsided...maybe! Until then, have a great week y'all!

Redhead Temptation

2007-01-25T08:18:00.000-08:00

I just got elected president of the Homeowners Association for our condo complex, a thankless and pay less job that I will probably regret taking. Tuesday night the new secretary/treasurer Kathy and I got together at my place to update the files (phone numbers, parking permits, etc.) of all of our individual homeowners. Kathy is a redhead, in her early to mid forties I believe, and quite an attractive, shapely woman. She apparently has been here in our complex for a couple of years but I can't recall ever seeing her here until the recent homeowners meeting which was the big annual one where everyone is encouraged to attend and where we elect the board members for the coming year.

Kathy seems like a nice gal. I'm really not sure if she is married (no wedding ring) or living with someone or has a boyfriend. I didn't want to pry into her personal affairs on our first meeting which really was for business purposes anyway. About the only thing that I came away with at the end of the evening was a hard on and a strong urge to fuck her! We got along pretty well and after we finished our file updating I invited her to stay for a glass of wine, an offer she accepted. We talked for a while but it was mostly about the condo complex and her job in a law office. She did mention that she had a grown son and two cats but that's all the personal info I got out of her. She seemed friendly and interested in me and I sort of got the impression that things could go further between us...but we'll see what happens there. Being a gentleman (what are you laughing at?) I didn't attempt to jump her bones, as much as I would have liked to! After she left I did relieve that boner she gave me by jacking off in bed as I fantasized what it would be like to feel and suck on those (rather large!) tits and eat and fuck that lovely red haired pussy though. Hey she smelled good too!

Of course since I'm now seriously involved with Marcella I wouldn't have fucked Kathy even if she would have let me. Oh how it hurts to say that but it's true! As I've said several times before right here, I really do believe in being faithful in a serious relationship. I expect that of my partner and I surely owe them the same fidelity. Yeah I definitely do get tempted though! Oh yeah I do! I slobber over Marcella's sexy roommate Patty and have jack off fantasies about almost every woman I see but I still remain faithful. Nowadays that is more important than ever and I have no intention on changing my policy regardless of any redhead (or blond or brunette!) temptations. Nothing wrong with fantasizing and jacking off over them though!

Kathy and I did nothing more than shake hands at the end of the evening. I was hoping for a hug but no such luck. The next homeowners meeting, which is usually just the board members although everyone is invited, is in a month. It's probably just as well that the other board members will be there as well as Kathy. The less temptation the better for the Horny Old Guy! Maybe Kathy and I can just become good friends and I can keep my lustful, horny feelings for her in check. Maybe pigs can fly!

I do have a thing for redheads (and red pubic hair!) which I intended to get into but I think I'll save that for the next post since I've been babbling long enough this morning and I have some things that I need to get done today and no I'm not talking about jacking off! Marcella called last night to tell me that she's starting her period which probably means not much sex this weekend. Marcy is one of those women who just doesn't care for sex at all during that time. Fucking is out of the question and it's even hard to coax a blow job or hand job out of her. Bummer! Oh well...there are always jack off fantasies about curvy redhead neighbors to get me through! Have a nice weekend y'all!

Can I Go Back and Start Over?

2007-01-22T08:16:00.000-08:00

Ah it's so nice to start out the week pussy whipped instead of sexually frustrated like I did last week! Marcella was here all weekend and we took care of each other's sexual needs very nicely I think. As usual the high point for me was my Sunday morning blow job and I suppose Marcella would say for her it was my professional jaw tiring muff diving exhibition on Saturday night prior to our long, juicy fucking session. Life is good!

I was telling Marcy about my early sexual experiences this weekend. She was a bit shocked when I told her that I got seduced by an older woman, a customer on my paper route, when I was barely through puberty. I figured that I better just skip the part about my sister Karen jacking me off in a motel room even before that. That incestuous experimentation, as innocent as it was, is one thing that I don't think I've ever mentioned to any of my partners, even to my two wives. I am just uncomfortable talking about it...and we all need to have a few secrets I suppose. It actually did feel good to get it off my chest when I wrote about all this stuff early on in this blog though. I did tell Marcella about the time Karen caught me sitting naked on the toilet jacking off even before our motel escapade and Marcy thought that was pretty funny. Not back then it wasn't!

Wouldn't it be nice to go back and start over in life? I had a pretty good childhood and teen years...not perfect but pretty damn good! I would love to re-live those days, knowing what I do now! WOW! I would be the horniest little bastard on the face of the earth, not that I wasn't close to that anyway! To begin with I would start jacking off as soon as I was born! Why waste about twelve years of having fun with your dick? To hell with waiting until almost puberty until I found out that my little weenie was good for something more than peeing! "I don't need no rattle mama, I got this thing!"

I would be checking out the little girls bodies even more than I did as a boy child. There would be a lot of "You show me yours and I'll show you mine!" in my neighborhood! I would probably get a lot more spankings from my mom too...but it would be worth it! It's funny how we are interested in the other sex's private parts from the beginning...but most of us really don't realize why at first. It would be nice to know from the start how and why these bodies are going to fit together in the future and how much fun that is going to be! Maybe you could even have a bit of practice. "Okay let's get into bed and play mommy and daddy!" Ah with what I know now, that game would be REALLY fun! If the little girls didn't want to play mommy and daddy maybe I could teach them how to milk a cow...LOL

I'd also like to re-live that wonderful night when I discovered the great sport of jacking off. That momentous occasion was shortly before puberty for me. An older kid named Dwight had given me a demonstration outdoors one afternoon but I was too nervous to get a hard on let alone try it with him. That very same night in the privacy of my bedroom I sat on my bed and tried it again and...praise Jesus it worked! Rubbing my little pecker up and down...it feeling better and better and then...WOW!!! Needless to say it was the greatest discovery of my young life...and I've been jacking off ever since...as if you people didn't know that! Yeah it would be fun to re-live that wonderful experience which you can read more about RIGHT HERE.

I think that it would even be fun to go through PUBERTY again. This time I would enjoy seeing how my little weenie turned into a big man sized hairy dong, seemingly almost overnight although in reality I'm sure it happened over a number of months. I was a bit freaked out by all of the changes at the time. I didn't want anyone else in the family or even my friends to see what was happening "down there". I seriously thought that all my jacking off might have something to do with it. Finally in the junior high school shower room, I noticed that I wasn't a freak after all. All of the guys (well almost all of the guys) my age had big weenies too! The whole puberty experience would be much easier and more enjoyable if knowing what I do now I could go through it again...at least I think it would!

As far as Barbara, my older woman (mid thirties) paper route customer who introduced me to the wonderful world of pussy and blow jobs at the young age of 13, I would still fuck her but this time without all the guilt and worry about my friends or parents finding out that I felt the first time around. I would enjoy it purely as fun and a basic sex education. Knowing that she was going to move away in a few months, I would probably really fuck her brains out and request a few more juicy blow jobs! I would probably experiment on a few different positions with her (we only fucked missionary style) and maybe even let her teach me how to become proficient in the fine art of eating pussy. As it was I was well into my twenties until I developed that skill.

As for the incestuous experimentation with my sister Karen...I'm really not sure! We only did some mutual masturbation two nights in a motel room on a family vacation. We just sort of carried the game of "You show me yours, I'll show you mine!" one step further. We got caught on the third morning by our parents who were a separate motel room. We weren't doing anything at the time but we were both naked (we'd slept together that way) and my mom saw my morning hard on. Needless to say the shit hit the fan! Looking back it's probably a good thing we got caught. I'm reasonably sure that the sex games would have continued and there is no doubt that I would have fucked Karen if she would have let me. I could have easily gotten her pregnant, NOT a good thing in those prudish 1950's when abortions were still illegal. It would probably have been best to my leave my sis alone...or be very, very careful! Those first hand jobs were fun though! The incestuous desire for Karen continued into my early twenties although nothing else sexual ever happened between us...but that's a whole different story!

The part that I would really change is the long "dry spell" between Barbara and my first real girlfriend Vicki. Several years of jacking off (not that that wasn't lots of fun!) was my only sexual activity after Barbara moved until I met Vicki as a junior in high school and then it took quite a while to get Vicki's panties down and my face and my cock buried in that lovely blond haired virgin muff! I'd be much more aggressive in hunting for poontang in those intervening years. Hell yes I would! It would be "Any port in a storm!" for Mikey the Horny Young Guy! Fat girls, ugly girls, old girls, young girls, virgins or sluts...I'd fuck 'em all...if they would let me of course! Come to think of it that also could have gotten me into some BIG trouble! Aside from no legal abortion, condoms were hard to come by for minors in those days and I was NOT ready to be a daddy or a hubby way back then!

Hmmmm...the more I think and write about it maybe I was better off just jacking off through those horny teen years after all! Several of my friends got trapped into bad marriages because they knocked up their sweetie pie girlfriend. For me I had several good years of "sowing my wild oats" after Vicki and I broke up and after that I got married because I really wanted to. It's fun to fantasize about how you might have done things differently though...in any period in your life! In reality, maybe it's just as well that you can't go back and start over! I guess my only real regret is I didn't learn to jack off earlier although I've since more than made up for that! Forget what I said at the beginning...I don't want to go back in time and please excuse this rambling Monday morning mental masturbation! Hey have a good week y'all!

Those Wacky Weenie Wavers!

2007-01-18T08:21:00.000-08:00

Well my daughter Jennie and her boyfriend have left to continue their trip to Southern California so it's back to normal for the Horny Old Guy. I can walk around in the nude, fart, look at porno on the TV and my computer and jack off to my heart's content without guilt or fear of being caught in the act. It was great to see Jennie but it's also great to have my solitude again. I am really just not into entertaining guests although I might make an exception if Marcella's roommate Patty wants to stay for a while (fat fucking chance!) My "Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy" babes of the month are also always welcome at my door! LOL

Jennie and her boyfriend Bill and I took a trip to San Francisco on Tuesday where the low point came when some perv waved his weenie at our tour boat while we were coming back from Alcatraz. He was standing behind a building on the wharf, his dong exposed and standing at attention and as the boat approached the dock he started jacking it off. Lots of shock and laughter and catcalls from people on the deck of the boat. As we got really close to the dock he zipped it up and made a hasty departure from the scene, probably a good move because I noticed several unamused tourists on their cell phones. At least those tourists from Iowa will have something to shock their friends about! A few kids on deck probably got more of a sex education that their parents desired too!

I doubt that this was the first time this dude waved his weenie at boats (or anything else) in the city and I suspect he got away with it this time and many times before. San Francisco is a very tolerant and somewhat wacky city. It's just a couple of hours away from Stockton and yet a world away. I've seen just about everything else on the streets (including fucking!) there so it really didn't shock me. A few months ago I posted the picture below so you can see what the police apparently look the other way at. Note that hardly anyone around this nut case seems to be paying any attention to his public nudity and jerking. Only in San Francisco! The gay culture and liberal city politics have a lot to do with it I suppose.

Not that we don't have any weenie wavers at all in Stockton you understand. Some misguided fellow was regularly exposing the family jewels in the parking lot at a K Mart near me a few months ago. Daren the manager of the store who is a friend of mine was telling me all about it. The weenie waver was in his car, had his pants down and was exposing his erect pecker to all the ladies, young and old, who wandered by. Apparently he got away with it for several months without some outraged spectator calling the police or at least turning him into store security. A boyfriend or husband of a woman who witnessed his X rated performance eventually scared him straight by threatening to beat the shit out of him and took down his car license number which he turned into Darren. Darren turned the license number into the cops and as far as I know that was the end of the notorious K Mart Weenie Waver of Stockton. There are indeed regular reports about male exhibitionists in the local paper, many of them near schools, and they seem to be on the increase. There seems to be an epidemic of weenie waving nowadays in cities big and small!

I really don't understand those weenie wavers. Oh yeah I let it all hang out here from time to time but this site is clearly marked "For Adults Only" and no one has to be here if they don't want to. I would never dream of whipping my dong out in public and shocking and/or offending anyone. It's partly because weenie waving is such a crude and rude and uncivil act and partly because I really don't want to end up in jail with my name in the papers and a big black dick up my pooper! Nah there is a time to whip and out and a time to keep it zipped and in public is the time for the latter...at least in my most humble and ancient opinion! You want to expose your privates? Get a webcam or a blog dude! Women however are invited to flash me at any time in any place...please!!!

I do have to confess that as an early teen me and my buddy did a bit of weenie waving which I wrote about HERE a while back. We found a spot down by the Napa River where a highway ran overhead. Just peeing while the cars zipped by seemed like a cheap thrill and that led to some showing our boners and then jacking off while we watched the shocked reaction from the faces (usually women) on the passenger sides of the cars overhead. We got scared straight when we looked up to see a Highway Patrol car cruising slowly by with a Highway Patrolman peering out. You never saw two guys lose their boners, jump on their bikes and ride so fast in your life! That was over fifty years ago and that was the end of my weenie waving days forever. Yeah it was wrong but when you are young you do some stupid things! I guess it was better than burning down the school!

Jennie and Bill were amused at the whole incident with the weenie waver. I told them "I bet you don't see things like that in Oregon!" and Jennie said "Oh I'm a nurse and I've seen stranger things than that dad!" I thought about some of the boners I've sprung in front of nurses and fantasies that I've had about them and decided I just better not pursue the matter any further. I sort of suspect there are some patient boners and jacking off involved though, hopefully no blow jobs from nurses like you see in the cartoons! There are some of your children's activities (at any age!) that you just don't even want to think about! Jennie is a smart gal anyway and I'm sure that she can handle any situation involving horny patients with humor and firmness and ease.

Anyway...it's back to blogging and jerking off! Jennie didn't get a chance to meet Marcella which as I said in my last post is probably just as well. Maybe next time! For now I'm eagerly awaiting the weekend when I will see Marcy again. No nookie for Mikey for two weeks is not a good thing! I need some pussy...for both eating and fucking! Hopefully I will make up for lost time this weekend! For a chuckle to finish off this post...if I ever decide to wave my weenie at anybody in public (which I won't!) I would certainly hope that I wouldn't get the reaction below! LOL Keep it zipped folks (in public anyway!) and have a good weekend!

Monday Morning Shorty

2007-01-15T08:46:00.000-08:00

Just a short post on this cold Monday morning. My daughter Jennie and her long time boyfriend are my house guests for a few days. They are on their way to San Diego and on rather short notice (Friday night!) Jennie called to ask if they could stop by here on the way down south. Of course I said yes. They arrived on Sunday afternoon and will be staying through Wednesday morning. Jennie is my only child, a dividend from my first marriage way back in my twenties. Jennie's mom Margaret (now deceased) and I got divorced when Jennie was just a toddler and Margaret soon remarried and moved to Oregon so I've seen very little of Jennie since she was that sweet little girl. Except for child support I've not been much of a dad...and I truly regret that. With Margaret moving to Oregon I didn't have that much choice though. Jennie is a nurse, will be 41 in March (Wow!) and still lives in Oregon with her b/f Bill. It's always good to see her on her rare visits down here. I could do without that Bill dude but it's her life and if he makes her happy...well that's fine too! Jennie remains a delight and I'm happy and proud to have her as a daughter. I just wish she lived closer!

Marcella was in the Bay Area with her parents for the weekend so Jennie hasn't met her yet and that may be just as well. Marcy is three years younger than Jennie and I can just hear the "Oh Daddy!" now. I mentioned that I have been dating a nice younger woman and I may just leave it at that for now. If Jennie and Bill were going to be here longer, we would probably get together for dinner with Marcy but I doubt it's going to happen this time. We are going to San Francisco today to play tourist and Jennie is going to visit a friend in Sacramento tomorrow so there really isn't time for an introduction this time...and like I said that may be just as well. Maybe next time!

You know what I find very weird? Waking up in the middle of the night to hear someone fucking in the next room of your own house. It's even weirder when you know that it's your own daughter who is being fucked...no matter how old she is! It reminds me of the few times when I slept with and fucked my wife in her parents' vacation home while her mom and dad were in the next bedroom. I always felt guilty about it for some strange reason...even if we were married! For that matter I always felt guilty about jacking off when I stayed at my parents' house as an adult. No guilt at all as a teenager but as an adult I felt that I shouldn't be whacking off in mommy and daddy's spare bedroom. I even feel guilty writing about sex right now while Jennie is in the next room. I don't understand any of this shit! Is their a psychiatrist in the house?

While I ponder all of that, it's time to get ready to go over to the big city (San Francisco). I'll be back to my usual completely guilt free Horny Old Guy mode when my company has cleared out. Until then, enjoy the week!

Cocksucking in the Movies!

2007-01-11T08:46:00.001-08:00

No I'm not talking about that blow job I got in the back row of the old Pussycat Theater in Sacramento back in 1970's. Today I'd like to talk about blow job scenes from the movies for no particular reason except that I love blow jobs and I love erotica and explicit sexuality in movies. These are not XXX rated porno films we are talking about but legitimate movies, mostly foreign, with explicit cock sucking scenes in them. There are only a handful of these flicks that I know of, in fact I can recall only six in the last thirty years. As we all know it is perfectly fine to show beheadings, disembowelments and every other kind of savage and sadistic act on the screen but it's still generally taboo to show hard ons, cock sucking, pussy eating and explicit fucking. Janet Jackson's boob comes out on TV and the blue noses act like the world is coming to an end! Are we a sick society or what? Anyway here are a few films that turned me on with their explicit cock sucking/blow job scenes.

"In the Realm of the Senses" (above) was a controversial 1976 Japanese film which featured some nice hardcore sex including several fucking scenes with penetration and one great blow job scene where this lucky dude gets sucked all the way to ejaculation, with cum dripping down the gal's chin to show you that it was for real. The only problem with this flick is that our hero gets castrated at the end of the movie, simulated of course but pretty damn ugly on the big screen! That scene quickly shrunk down my boner which had been throbbing all the way through the film. I should have jacked off during the blow job scene when I had the chance!

Then there was "Devil in the Flesh" a 1986 Italian-French production which featured a young college student being blown by his luscious babe of a girlfriend. He seems to be more interested in some Socialist reading material than enjoying her copping his joint which either indicates he's gay or he's a fucking nut case! No cum shot but a pretty good cock sucking scene. Alas most of the rest of the movie is extremely dull except when the babe periodically takes her clothes off.

The British film "Intimacy" from 2001 had several nice simulated sex scenes and a few seconds of lovely Kerry Fox sucking the dick of her lover. Some guys have all the luck! This shows up on cable TV but the hardcore stuff is snipped out, damn it! I believe it's available on DVD in both the uncensored and cable TV versions.

Another British import "9 Songs" from 2004 had some pretty nice hardcore fucking as well as a couple of oral scenes. The blow job scene ends with the gal finishing the guy off with her hand. That's not quite as good as cum in the mouth for a real life blow job but I guess they wanted to get that "money" shot in...or maybe the leading lady doing the cocksucking just didn't want a mouthful of jism (like both of my wives and several of my ex-girlfriends!) It was a pretty hot scene though! Unfortunately you have to listen to some godawful fucking loud rock music between the sex scenes but at least somebody had the "balls" to show some real non-simulated sex (and quite a bit of it!) for a change! I actually jacked off when I watched this one in a multiplex. You can read about that disgusting act right HERE and yes I am ashamed of myself (sort of!)

Believe it or not an AMERICAN film called "Brown Bunny" released by Columbia Pictures in 2003 had an actual cock sucking scene in it! Vincent Gallo was the writer, director and star of this thing. He wrote the most boring script of all time (he travels across the country and nothing happens!) but in the climax (no pun intended!) his script calls for this babe to suck him off. Hey that Gallo dude ain't no dummy! Not a bad blow job scene if you are still awake at the end of the movie! Hard to tell if she actually "finishes" the job though since there is no "money" shot. Some have even suggested Gallo used an artificial (king sized!) dick but Gallo insists that is his Italian salami. Whatever!

Finally a 2006 flick called "Shortbus" (still frame above) which I haven't seen yet reportedly has LOTS of hardcore sex in it...fucking and sucking and pussy eating and even a guy sucking himself off (some guys have all the luck!) It features a popular female Chinese TV and radio performer from Vancouver BC Canada who almost lost her job when her bosses discovered she had done the nasty in this movie I believe. I'm looking forward to seeing it when it comes out on DVD soon.

I had really intended to title this post"Pussy Eating in the Movies". I find explicit muff diving scenes in the movies even more erotic and enjoyable than cock sucking scenes but I'm really having problems finding some still frames, possibly because there are so few non-porn films that explicitly show this wonderful sport, long one of my favorite real life activities as well as one of my top voyeuristic pleasures. There are only a few of these films that I can think of offhand. The French film "Betty Blue" had a great pussy eating scene in it as did another more obscure French film in black and white that I can't even think of the name of.

The uncut version of "Basic Instinct" (above) plainly shows Michael Douglas's face buried in Sharon Stone's lovely muff and if he ain't eating some pussy, he's doing a pretty damn good imitation of it! I really think old Mikey is actually "yodeling in the canyon" if you know what I mean and I think you do! Get me close to Sharon's muff and I'd do the same thing! Then there is the uncut version of "Body of Evidence" which shows Willem Dafoe apparently eating out Madonna (left). I don't know...as many places as that pussy has been I'm not sure I would have volunteered for that assignment even if they paid me big bucks. On second thought, yes I would! LOL

"Shortbus" also apparently has at least one explicit pussy eating scene (above) but as I said I haven't seen that one yet. Then there is the controversial "Ken Park" which I talked about some time ago (HERE) which features a prolonged scene of a young stud eating out his girlfriend's mother. Whoa dude! Talk about kinky! Even I never thought about that although none of my girlfriend's mamas that looked like this (below). Talk about a MILF!!! Come to think about it my first real girlfriend Vicki's mama was sort of a babe but I guess I was too clean cut then (what are you laughing at?) to think about "yodeling in her canyon"! Fucking her? Yeah to tell the truth that did enter my horny young mind!

Anybody know of any other good pussy eating scenes in mainstream movies? Please let me know because I'd sure like to see them and hopefully talk about them and show some still frames in a future post.

Meanwhile that's about it for today. I'm getting a hard on just thinking about all that oral sex. Marcella is unfortunately going to the Bay Area to visit her family so I won't be doing any muff diving or getting my weenie sucked on this weekend, damn the bad luck! It's back to jacking off for the Horny Old Guy. No big deal, I've been here many, many times before! Hmmmm...I wonder if Patty wants to go to that hot tub place??? (Just kidding Marcy darlin'!) I hope you people have lots of good sex, oral and otherwise though. Enjoy your weekend, thanks for reading, see you on Monday!

Fantasy Vs. Reality in the Hot Tub

2007-01-08T08:57:00.000-08:00

It was a very good but not quite a great weekend for the Horny Old Guy. The good news is that I got to fuck Marcella and get a blow job from her for the first time in two weeks. The bad news is that I was also expecting to see Marcy's lovely roommate Patty in her birthday suit...stark naked!..but that delicious plan fizzled out. Damn the bad luck!

Marcella's cold was still hanging on Friday night so I suggested we go to a local hot tub and sauna place for a Saturday night "date". Soaking in a hot tub, followed by a sauna has helped me shake colds fairly quickly in the past. Marcella had never tried it but agreed. Saturday morning she called back and asked if Patty who was also struggling with a cold could join us. The thought of a naked Patty of course brought an immediate rising in my pants! "Sure she can come!" I said calmly, trying to conceal how overjoyed I was. WOW! A naked Patty...something I had been wanting to see ever since Marcella introduced me to her. I was actually dancing around the room after that phone call, my boner in my hand! I knew there would be no sex involved but just seeing Patty in the nude...WOW! I knew it would be a dick expanding experience for sure and I wondered if I should jack off to reduce the chance of springing a big woody in front of her. All sorts of nasty fantasies were running through my dirty mind and I finally decided to not jack off and just let "Junior" stand at attention if he wanted to. Maybe Patty would be impressed but more likely both women would be giggling like school girls at the sight of my ancient woody! It sounded like fun!

I was starting to picture in my dirty mind the whole wonderful erotic experience. I could even see the headline in the Monday morning Stockton paper. Click on the image below to read all about it! (LOL)

Alas our three way hot tub party was not to be! Both women were a bit "unclear on the concept" and had their bathing suits ready when I got to their apartment on Saturday night. When I explained that these were private rooms, each with with a shower, hot tub and sauna (I didn't mention the mattress!) and that bathing suits were not required Patty immediately chickened out. Damn! Damn! Damn! Marcy was okay with the idea and tried to talk Patty into it. I told her that it was as natural as going to a nude beach but Patty said she wouldn't go to a nude beach either (more bad news!) Patty wouldn't change her mind so Marcy and I finally left for the hot tub place by ourselves and Patty stayed in the apartment to nurse her cold. Damn! Damn! Damn!

I'll have to say that the hot tub was very nice even without Patty. No problems in not springing a boner in front of Marcella after seeing her nude so much in the last six months. She's seen my boner so many times it wouldn't have been a big deal to her anyway. I kept thinking that Patty could be here but wasn't! Damn! Damn! Damn! The hot water in the tub actually shrunk my pecker instead of making it spring to life as it would have done with Patty. Marcy and I did the hot tub, then the sauna and finally sat on the mattress and drank the fruit juice we bought at the concession stand on the way in. I'm sure that horny young couples sometimes use the mattress to fuck (cheaper than a motel room!) but with the heat neither of us had the desire to do the nasty right then and there. I just kept imagining a naked Patty sitting between us. Fantasies of a threesome on that mattress were waking up my sleeping dong even though I know Marcella well enough to be reasonably sure that a threesome between us would NEVER happen. And yet...just the thought of a naked Patty in the room with us...by the time I was putting on my shorts I had a hard on and Marcy was giggling!

My disposition improved considerably when Marcy and I came back to my place. The hot tube/sauna did seem to help Marcy's cold and I felt years younger as I always do after an hour in one of those places. After two weeks of only jacking off I was ready to fuck...and so was Marcella! It was one of our better fucking sessions although I confess Patty was still on my mind and in my fantasies as I buried my face and cock in Marcy's warm pussy. It was some great sex though and just what I needed after my disappointment earlier in the evening. Marcy felt even better on Sunday morning. Her cold seemed to be completely gone and she gave me her ritual Sunday morning blow job with gusto before getting up and going to church. I told Marcy to tell Patty how nice the hot tub was and how it helped her cold and she said she would. Marcy really liked it and told me she would like to go again, with or without Patty. There is still a glimmer hope but I doubt I'll get another chance to see sweet young Patty in the nude. A golden opportunity flushed down the toilet! Damn! Damn! Damn!

Of course I'm exaggerating...a little bit...about my disappointment of not seeing Patty naked. It was a very nice weekend indeed and I hope it was for you too. Have a nice week with or without your clothes on. I'll continue to pray for a naked Patty and see you back here later in the week. Bye bye for now!

Jacking Off to Nicole Kidman!

2007-01-04T06:58:00.000-08:00

A new year, a new month and a new "Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the Month" for the Horny Old Guy! This month it's the lovely and talented Nicole Kidman! If you remember last month (and who could forget?) my pick was the lovely and talented Katie Holmes. What these two babes have in common of course is Scientology nut case Tom Cruise. Katie is married to Tommy boy now and Nicole used to be. What do women see in that dude anyway? I mean just because he's young and good looking and rich and a movie star and probably has a big dong and knows how to eat pussy...I mean I just don't get it! Anyway I will be jackin' to sweet Nicole all this month! I know that she will be pleased and honored to know that!

Ms. Kidman first came to my attention in a 1989 thriller "Dead Calm" (above) when it showed up on late night cable TV. There was only one nude scene as I recall and shot from the back but just one look at that red hair and that absolutely gorgeous young butt and I knew that I was in love...or at least in lust. I whipped my dick out and jacked it off then and there. Nicole has been giving me boners and inspiration to beat my meat ever since!

The movie that Nicole displayed the most skin in is of course "Eyes Wide Shut", which she made with her ex Tom. The rest of these still frames are from that sexy flick. Oh how I still love that luscious butt! It has to be one of the finest butts in movies...or maybe even on the planet! I may even re-think my general disdain for analingus! I'd bury my face between those buns any day! And that lovely trimmed red pubic hair that you can see in the mirror! (Click on the top picture for best view!) Talk about looking good enough to eat! What a sweet looking pussy! Yummy! Yummy! Yummy! I won't be needing any Viagra today! I may not even be able to make it through writing this post without whipping it out! (Oh control yourself Mike, you horny old bastard!)

Getting back down to earth (sort of)...Marcella is still down with a cold. I'm going to suggest we go to a hot tub and sauna place this weekend. That usually helps me shake off a cold pretty quickly. Maybe we can even fuck on the mattress they have in those private rooms, not the first time that would be happening in there! I speak from experience my friends! I definitely need some nookie after almost two weeks of taking things in hand. As much as I love to jack off, once you get used to regular nookie you just need that regular nookie to say nothing of those regular blow jobs!

Hey today I reach 50,000 on my hit counter! That would still be small potatoes to major league bloggers but to me it's big numbers! Of course every click on this blog or going to a different page in my archive counts as a hit but still I'm impressed and pleased. Since I get very few comments I do wonder who all of these gluttons for punishment are. Whoever you are out there in cyberspace, I do appreciate it especially if you come back again and again. To those of you who do comment or send me e mail, a special thanks! To the two women who have sent me nude pics of themselves you have my eternal gratitude! To those of you who stumble on this site just once and say "This old fucker is nuts! I'm out of here!"...I understand your pain! LOL To all of you I say have a wonderful first weekend of the New Year! Now let me whip out my dick and get back to those pictures of Nicole! Jesus that is one lovely young butt!!!